At that time of the month, trying to think how to revise a design for the 100th time, and at the same time enduring the feeling of your uterus flesh beingripped off (very descriptive, Carneyz, very da descriptive) is horrible.
...
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh! Somebody, anybody, give me an epidural anesthesia. I'm dying... Huhu...
Listen to this recorded voice Every time I hear it makes me laugh How did Aini come up with those thoughts And why the hell does Jen sound like that?
And this is where I hang out I think the fishes knew me inside out I never knew how depressed is my life I spent so much time on aqua therapy
This is where I went to work Most of the time had better things to do Attendance showed that I had two months red I must have done it half a dozen times
I wonder if it's too much Is this decision wise or I'm too rush I tried to quit job without them knowin' If I was them I wouldn't let me in. Oooh3x... Oh God, I...
Every memory of looking out the window I had the recording played on my mp3 It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking in the terminal I found the picture of us in office till 4 am It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye.
Remember the bowlin' arcade Blew every ringgit down the bowling lane Aini's folks hated it when we came home late They say, 'what kind of girls did we raise?'
We used to come to Dilla's house to chill And karaoke to every song we'd know We said some day we'll get the neighbours knockin' To ask us to pack up and go back home.
Chairman's the first friend I made We talked about the States where he used to live He had a couple of guy friends since then The girls think he's very poyo now. Ooo3x... Oh God, I...
Every memory of looking out the window I had the recording played on my mp3 It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking in the terminal I found the picture of us in office till 4 am It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye.
I miss that town, I miss the faces You can't erase, you can’t replace it. I miss it now, I can't believe it So hard to stay, too hard to leave it.
If I could relive those days I know the one thing that would never change
Every memory of looking out the window I had the recording played on my mp3 It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking in the terminal I found the picture of us in office till 4 am It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye.
Listen to these recorded voices Every time I do it makes me laugh Every time I do it makes me...
Before some genius with good intentions created Internet, I lived happily ever after without much requirements and expectations.
Then came Internet. My first attempt at emailing somebody (my school friend, Crono) was a laugh. I typed everything in the subject of the email and none for the body. He must'd been puzzled why my email content was empty but the subject was lengthy.
I graduated from email to Yahoo! Messenger. At first I started with ICQ. Or maybe it was IRC. I chatted with this anonymous fella who suddenly announced that he liked cough syrup. That left me horrified and I ended the session abruptly. Only years later, I braved another attempt at chatting thru Yahoo!. That was because Junaidix needed to teach me something about blogging. The rest was history.
Now everything needed to be done using Internet. So you can imagine how frustrated I felt when the network was disrupted this morning until afternoon. I can't do any work. I can't do anything. Life at work became miserable.
Day 3 at the foreign workplace. My miserable-ness has slightly been diverted because I am lost every day in my work schedule & designing stuff. My first day was quite bad. I was so used to hearing Jen's cheerful voice when she picked up the phone, rolling her eyes & making funny faces when the callers turned out to be freaking buggers. Or calling Ainie's name every time I saw her. Or listening to Roy bickering with the Legal Manager for fun. It was just - homely.
My previous work environment was colorful, to put it literally and also in context. When we were bored, we went window shopping or buy hotdog from upstairs. Or sit around, watching people. Or whatever. Sure, most of the time we were stressed out, but at least we got something to keep our minds away at times.
And the people. They are colleagues, neighbours, etc. We're like, this one suburban community working at the same company. So I knew you, you knew me, we knew everybody.
So urban KL is - urban.
At least by today I wasn't crying my eyes out anymore. The first day had been terrible. I had to bring my stuff to office by taxi, and then commuted home. The lrt was jam-packed. I missed commuting between Skudai-office when I can feel & smell fresh air while riding at 120km/h (ok, so I'm exaggerating, the air smelled like carbon monoxide, but at least it didn't smell like someone's armpits). Gob-smackingly delicious feeling. At that particular moment, back to the present, I was trapped among sweaty bodies exuding all kind of smell that made me feel dizzy. When I arrived at the lrt station, I had to wait for half an hour for the feeder bus to come.
It started to rain by then. I was looking up to the dismal sky, feeling totally lost, bewildered, sad. My mp3 player was playing a sad song. I was close to tears, I nearly bawled there & then.
I hate, hate, hate, hate this bloody city.
I wanted to turn off my mp3 player, in my pocket, when my fingers brushed against something. There it was again, turning up like some guardian angel. The 109 beads stringed together. How it ended up in my pocket when I was sure I had removed it I had no idea.
This time it didn't make me cry. I clasped it with both hands, feeling my heartbeat returned to normal. This is like a talisman, but it's not and I don't believe it is. But oh boy, it reminds me that back in JB, there are friends who still wanna make me smile.
Erm. Thanks Ainie. Thanks Jen. Thanks Layla & Pakcik & Kak Za & Survivor & Chairman and all that. You know, I'm glad that I made that voice recording even though Jen sounded like Evil Queen. But yeah, that helps a lot.
Enuff sob stories, even though I still feel homesick giler2. To fulfill Romzi's request, I let myself be tagged.
Something you want to do in your life :Travel all around the world - backpacker style. One song that you could listen over and over again :That changes according to my mood. Currently I like Photograph by Nickelback. It reflects my situation right now (homesick, homesick...)
Coke or Pepsi? Coke. That's what they usually serve in KFC or McD right? Something you currently desire : Back to JB, chilling out with friends! :) One good deed you've done lately :I've been bad, bad, bad all the way. I'm evil. Ask the Evil Queen (Jen).
A funny moment in your life :I spluttered my drink all over Chairman. Survivor said something funny, or maybe it was Jen, about Ainie's eating habit. I was drinking and I couldn't help it so tersembur kat Chairman. Abis basah baju dier. Chairman terus tolak kerusi ke belakang, swearing like gila2 'What the fish??' Felt really embarrassed to Chairman, but the rest thought it was hysterical. Except for me and yang kena sembur. He was very indignified by that. There are a lot other funny stuff in my life. I led a funny life in the first place. Everybody around me is funny except me.
I finally arrived in KL . I hated this city, but I have to learn to love it. I imagined Shah's wife who came all the way from Pakistan, who grew up in totally foreign environment, weather, language, food. The challenge for her to get used to the living standard in... God, it must be awful for her. I'm glad that Shah bought that lovely house for her and the baby. She hates lizard as much as I do. I imagine she hates cockroaches too.
My room is about 70% the size of the room I occupied in Jen's house. The rental is 6 times more expensive. No, make it 12 times more expensive, because Jen paid RM20 rental for her whole house. It makes you think I'm born without a brain huh? I'm beginning to think the same too. At the back of my house, at certain hours of the day, there are terrible noises going on RIGHT BEHIND MY ROOM. My housemates are nice people, but I don't think they are the type who would roll around on the floor laughing over some crude jokes, like Kak Za, Yana & I did sometimes. No, most of the time. Or the type who would spend one night chit-chatting about all sort of things like Jen & I used to do. I mean. For cry out sake, they were IIU graduates. They laugh. Moderately.
When I reached KL, I almost cried again because the Putra lrt station was closed (how could they close it?), and none of the taxi wanna send me to Gombak. I had to beg a taxi driver to send me there. Seeing my petite size, my almost-crying expression (the tough girl looked so pathetic that nite), and my so exhausted voice asking to be send to Gombak, the driver took pity to me. Amin. There is a human in this city.
In short, everything that happened that nite made me want to cry. After arranging my stuff neatly in my room, I fell asleep on my mattress, one hand clutching the tasbih beads and one single teardrop ran down the bridge of nose and ended its course on my chin. I felt so lonely.
Day 1 in the foreign city. It rained on New Year day. I tried to mingle with my housemates. But it felt awkward. I went into my room and leant against the wall, staring at the opposite wall and hugging the Pink Panther small pillow that Layla gave before I left.When you hug it, think about us especially me. I read my diary. I tried everything to make me feel happy.
I switched on my mp3 player and listened to the recording of Ainie's, Survivor's & Jen's very sexy voice and smiled at the memory of Jen holding a cutlinary knife at Ainie threateningly, 'One more word,' as Ainie laughed at her very sexy voice. It rained the whole day. I didn't eat at all from the nite I arrived until last nite.
After Isya', I lay down on one side, on my left cheek, listening to my own breath. I have to survive. I have to go out and find the way to office tomorrow. I counted the tasbih beads and puzzled over the tangled part. Then I just closed my hand over it and thought, God, I hardly remember You.
I remembered telling the story of the beginning of mankind to an attentive Jen. I told the story until the arrival of the last prophet over a cup of chilled coke in McD.
Heaven and earth, and else in between. I miss Jen. I hope my story makes sense to her. There's so much I want to tell her. There's no more time to tell her.
I brought her to the lake on my last day in JB. I hope she finds the time to find herself while listening to the music of water cascading down, and watching the fishes swimming in the water. I visited my professor's house. He helped me a lot when I was in bad shape financially.
I love Johor and I'm missing it desperately. I'm homesick. Help me. I'm missing all the things and all the people I left behind.
Every memory of lookin' out the back door I got the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walkin' out the front door I found the photo of the friend that I was lookin' for It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye.
'Dun cry. Please dun cry.'
'I'm going to lose my all time mate...' Her hot tears made me feel like weeping too. Tak masuk Kak Za lagi. 'Mek. Kak Za sedih la awak dah nak gi.'
'Jangan la macam tu Kak Za. Saya pun rasa cam tu jugak.'
'Naper awak nak pindah mek?' Naper? Naper?
Bila hari terakhir aku di JB, baru aku umumkan yang aku akan berpindah kepada semua. Masing2 terkejut. Kenapa tak bagitau awal? Kenapa nak pindah?
Kenapa? Kenapa?
'We're gonna miss you.' Kak Eyna peluk aku. I hugged her & Layla tightly. 'I'm going to miss everyone of you too.' Looking at Layla's stomach, I said, 'Jangan lupa jemput majlis bercukur rambut baby nanti.' 'Insya Allah.'
Then it was the Fab Four. Chairman, blessed his soul, seolah2 terlupa aku dah nak pergi. The effort to gather the five of us together had twice been let down by him. Tak pelah Chairman. Maybe hanging out with 4 crazy girls are not that hot an idea as before. We had lunch. We laughed. We told stories. We laughed. I leant against Ainie's shoulder affectionately. I love my friends dearly. Then why am I leaving them?
Why?
Sekali lagi, sebelum naik bas, aku peluk Kak Za, Yana, Ainie, Jen, & Survivor satu persatu. 'Thank you. Thank you.' I couldn't say anymore. I have been so lucky to have them as my friends. I will miss them sorely. So badly.
Dari tingkap bas, aku cuba berlagak tenang. Melihat Jen menyapu air mata di pipi. Smile, I mouthed to her. I smiled. And waved. Then the bus moved away. It was so cold. Outside, and inside. There's this hollow feeling. My hands felt numb. I put my hand in my jacket pocket. I felt the hard, lumpy string. I pulled it out and stared at the tasbih beads.