Tuesday, October 04, 2005

You and I Both

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice
I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing

Oh but it often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright light turns to night
Oh until the dawn it brings
A little bird who'll sing about the magic that was you and me.

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others only read of
Others only dream of the love,
Oh the love that I love.

See, I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words than I had ever heard and I feel so alive

Oh, then you and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
Oh and with this silence brings a moral story
more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now
Well I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of
Finally out of, deedeedeedee
Well I'm almost finally, finally
Well I am free, oh, I'm free.

And it's okay if you have go away
Oh, just remember the telephone
Well, they're working it both ways
And if I never ever hear it ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang.

Cause you and I both loved
what you and I spoke of
and others just read of
and if you could see me now
Well I'm almost finally out of.

I'm finally out of,
finally out of, deedeeedeedeedee
well I'm almost finally, finally, finally out of words.

-lagu orang yang dah break-

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Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Because. I NEED to be happy.

Malam semalam aku gi membelasah bulu tangkis... dan tangan aku sendiri. Walaupun bulu tangkis tu tak ape2 dan lebih teruk dibelasah oleh orang lain, tapi aku puas. Cuma pagi nih agak menyesal tak buat warm up pergelangan tangan sebab huhu, my wrist felt like heavy lead, I can't lift it without putting extra efforts and wincing every time. Dah lama tak main badminton. Semalam je tetiba terasa nak main badminton untuk lepaskan perasaan yang terpendam dalam diri aku.

Aku tak boleh terus-terusan macam nih.

Mesej Kak Za aku tenung. Aku termenung memikirkan akibat & kesannya. Pros & Cons. Aku rasakan sudah cukup aku bersabar. I can't take it anymore. Apa2 pun risiko yg akan aku tanggung, nilainya sedikit berbanding ketenangan yang akan aku dapat. Sejak kebelakangan nih, perasaan aku selalu tertekan. Aku tak boleh luahkan kepada sesapa, aku tak boleh lari dari situasi, aku masih tak boleh terima. Bukan ini yang aku jangkakan bila aku buat keputusan tu empat bulan lepas. Umpama lari dari mulut harimau masuk ke mulut buaya. Aku ingatkan akan meringankan beban aku selama nih, rupa2nya. Aku bertambah sakit kepala.

I have to make some adjustments to life as I have become a stranger even to myself - sensitive, easily irritated, easily moody and prefer to be left alone. It affects my brain, my relationship with others & my attitude towards work and life. I have to separate these two - who / what belongs at work, should remain at work. Who / what belongs at home, should be confined to home.

I have to save my sanity. I will accept this offer.

Anggap je cara hidup kitaorang berbeza. Anggap je keputusan ni yang terbaik untuk kedua2 aku dan dia.

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Monday, October 03, 2005

Monday Ranting (Part I)

I have come to a point in my life where I'm wondering what am I doing here and how is this relevant to what I want in life.

It doesn't make sense, you know. Wherever I turn to, I'm not happy. I'm not happy where I'm staying, I'm not happy where I'm working, I'm not happy complaining about it here in my blog. I'm not happy with the fact that I can't do anything about it.

People tell me I got to believe in hikmah. I have to endure this and then things would fall into their places. Then I'll get it. W-e-l-l... Hikmah is one thing, but God doesn't change anything unless we go and change it, isn't it? How do we know when it's not hikmah anymore and it's time to breakaway? Take a chance, make a change, that's what Kelly Clarkson said.

Isn't it when it comes to a point where nothing brings pleasure anymore?

OK. I apologize for that. There are things and people who still make me smile, you know, actually smile without having to fake it. There are simple pleasure in listening to songs on MP3 player. Of chocolate. Of riding my bike. Of blogging. Of sweet sms.

And there are tremendous pleasure in talking to listening ear, in getting the attention, and well. To be someone's priority. Yeah, I know, I sound like 'me-me-me' person, don't I? That's coz I'm tired of giving the attention, and not getting it back. I live by the rule of 'what you give, you will get back'. It works with charity, what? At least I'm being honest to myself here. Before I can make people happy, I must be happy myself.

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Sunday, October 02, 2005

Kenduri-Kendara...

Ahem. Rajin betul hapdet blog sampai dua kali arinih Ekceli, terlupe nak citer pasal kenduri. Semalam, dapat undangan 2 kenduri. Dua2 aku tak pi Tak de member nak gi sama. Lagipun aku dah pi majlis nikah dieorang dulu. So tak de la terasa bersalah sangat

Aku gi ngan Kak Za & Yana. Kenduri tu kat Kulai. Aku tak kenal pun ngan pengantinnya. Ada dua pasang pengantin, adik & kakak buat kenduri sekali harung. Jimat belanja kot Kiteorang ikut je keta kat depan kiteorang, punyelah tak tau jalan. Tapi selamat sampai gak ke tempat kejadian.

Oleh sebab aku tak bawak baju kurung ke Taman U, aku pinjam baju kurung Kak Za. Puas la minah dua orang tu gelakkan aku sebab aku nampak kecik je pakai baju tu. Baju tu bunga dier kecik2, that's why aku pun nampak kecik juga di dalam proses mengkecikkan badan ni (Btw, berat dah turun ke berat idaman aku! 47 kg! Waaaahhhh!!! Lepas nih tinggal nak maintain je. Alhamdulillah...)

Sebelum tu hujan turun ngan lebatnyer. Bila sampai kat rumah pengantin, hujan dah renyai2 je. Aku, Kak Za & Yana pun berjalan ngan ayunye sebab banyak lopak. Aku kepit hadiah pengantin sambil angkat kain takut basah. Tengah konsentrat memikirkan selok-belok yang bakal dilalui, tetiba puup!

Hadiah jatuh dalam lopak. Semua orang tengok. Muka aku dah merah padam. Dah nak nangis. Aku kutip hadiah, pusing & tengok Kak Za & Yana tersengih2.

'Kak Zaa...' Uwaaa!! Kak Za amik hadiah kat tangan aku, carik tisu & lapkan. Then Yana letak balik dalam plastik.

'Isk, camane awak nih, bawak hadiah...' Kak Za dah gelakkan. Aku terdiam, pastu tergelak sekali. Muahahah! Kelakar gak, sebab sumer orang dah tengok, senyum2.

Hai, hai... Itulah pengalaman yang memalukan di majlis persandingan orang. Hehe. Balik la, nak solat Maghrib!

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Sunday, October 02, 2005

Al-Kisahnya...

Kenapa & mengapa aku memandang ke bawah? Itu pun ada gak yang tanya bila tengok gambar yang blur tu Sebenarnya masa tu aku, Jen, Ainie & Chairman kat KLIA, nak balik semula ke JHB (JB). Aku tengah rakamkan something kat mp3 player (seperti biasa, mesti nak kenakan si Chairman yang poyos itu) dan aku, Jen & Ainie berdiri dekat2 nak dengar rakaman yang lawak tu Oleh sebab geram dia tak dapat nak join sekali, Chairman pun amik gambar kiteorang. Kalau tengok gambar asal, mesti korang fikir 'Alamak! Apa yang dieorang tiga orang tu tengah buat???'

So dah edit gambar tu, amik gambar aku sorang je. Kalau korang nak tau, jaket jeans tu ialah jaket faveret aku. Hatta gi keje pakai baju kurung pun aku pakai jaket tu jugak! Muahaha!! Style dressing aku gi keje memang slumber je . Apa2 pun dressing yang aku pakai, jaket tu mesti ada. Handbag tak main la . Sekarang kan musim jenayah ragut beg. Aku lebih suka bawak beg sandang kesayangan aku tu. Campak apa2 pun tak pe.

Semalam hari Sabtu tak keje. Aku just melepak kat Skudai, seperti biasa. Sampai2 je kat rumah lama, terus lepak kat dapur. Kalau dah jumpa member... Lepas member aku gi Kulai, aku lepak tengok VCD. Citer 'Kingdom of Heavens'. Tak boring tgk citer tu Sesambil tu aku tunggu petang tu, nak melepak kat cyber cafe. Tunggu punye tunggu, dah abis citer, aku pun hantar msg kat member tu, tanya nak YM ke tak nih. Tak de reply. Aku pun tengok citer 'Charlie & The Chocolate Factory'. Tapi dah tak konsentret sebab hari dah nak hujan. Lepas dua jam tak de reply, aku pun kensel kan plan nak gi cc. Baik aku lepak ngan Kak Za.

Malam tu, kiteorang gi survey handphone. Aku berminat ngan model Nokia 3120:

Aku terpaksa terima hakikat handphone tu dah uzur Walau apapun, aku tetap sayang kat Nokia 3210 aku tu. I always love u bebeh! Masa tengah survey hp tu, kiteorang jumpa ramai minah Indon tengah beli / survey handphone jugak. Bulat mata kiteorang tengok dieorang beli handphone yang canggih2. Tak macam kiteorang. Aku pegang lengan Kak Za erat2, & bisik, 'Err, sapa yang keje kilang nih Kak Za? Kite ke, dieorang?' Mana tak, dieorang mampu beli handphone yang RM1000++, sedangkan bajet aku tak sampai pun RM400. Aku tak terasa macam Exec. la. Handphone baru pun tak termampu nak beli, apa lagi keta sebijik.

Sememangnya aku suka lepak kat Taman U. Seronok. Inilah geng aku dari zaman lepas abis Uni, sampai sekarang. Dari zaman makan sardin tetiap hari, sampai la tak makan apa2 sebab nak diet Plus weekend, boleh lepak kat cc. Hehe. Kalau sapa2 terasa nak chatting ngan aku, bley la add aku kat Yahoo! Messenger. Zaanks! @->--

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