Monday, March 25, 2013

The Birth Story - Khadeeja

Here's a photo of my beautiful little Khadeeja - a little stubborn princess who was so mad at the doctor for evicting her out of my womb before she was ready:

Khadeeja was born on 15 December 2012, 7.50am. She measured 49cm and weighed 3.2kg. Thankfully, I ended up not having to push her out of my vajayjay as I planned throughout my 38 weeks of pregnancy.

Let's just say, almost everything about my pregnancy this time was different from my previous one. I was crazy sick during my first trimester, had to be hospitalised 3 times during pregnancy and the shape of my tummy has been an on-going debate among friends and colleagues as to the gender of my baby. It's round, but also protruding and from the back, I don't look pregnant at all. So it must be a boy, right? But it's round! Nope, it's a girl.

Even my obgyn could not be sure of the baby's sex but told us it is likely to be a girl (hurray!).

Again, unlike Khayla whose birth was via planned C-sec due to placenta praaevia, Khadeeja's birth story has a twisted ending. Throughout my pregnancy, I was confident that I could this time, give birth via normal delivery. My obgyn gave me a pretty prognosis - the amniotic fluid is not too much or too little, and the placenta is positioned where it is supposed to be.

I even made a birth plan that doesn't include epidural and surgical knife, even went to the extent of dreaming a stitch-free perineum! Angan2 tak ingat dunia, jah! In my perfect birth vision, I wanted the baby to be placed on my chest immediately after she was delivered (skin to skin contact), and somehow baby will be able to do the 'breast crawl' (again, angan2 terlampau ambitious!)

So it came as a shock and major disappointment when I was told that due to my GDM, my labour has to be induced at Week 38 instead of having to wait for natural birth to happen. And even more shocking is when I was told to be admitted on the week I was planning to go for long walks and daily swims in my attempt to induce my labour naturally! Some more, I wanted to have a leisure week to get into birthing mode, going for last minute shopping, pedicure, a visit to the dentist and even prenatal spa session - but didn't get it! *cry*

Secretly, I was most disappointed because I was hoping to deliver my second child on our 6th wedding anniversary, which was just 4 days away from the planned induced labour. My ob-gyn was adamant that she could not risk waiting any longer which broke my heart.

So on the night of 10th December, I was admitted to the hospital to be induced. The hospital was almost fully booked because many expectant mothers were planning to give birth on 12 Dec 2012 (12/12/12). In the end, we had to put up with a freezing room that has no carpet (aircond was centralised). My mom and Khayla had to go back home and make daily trips to the hospital instead because they could not stand the cold room.

The next day on 11th December, early morning, a nurse came for vaginal exam (ouch!) and then administer the medication to induce birth. After two hours, I felt stomach cramp and excitedly went to the toilet... to deliver a huge dump. Hmmph. That's what you get when you heard too much induced birth stories from your friends...

The contraction started hours later, with slight discomfort around my waist and down there. That was however not the worst I had to endure. The worst had got to be the frequent VE (vaginal examination) throughout the day.

Nurses came, stuck their finger in my vajayjay and cheerfully told me, 'Oh, it's only 1cm.' After countless times of having my vajayjay poked, I was not amused with their cheerful announcement.

So that was the highlight of 11 December - endless VEs. I went to bed feeling very deflated at my slow birth.

12 December arrived with much more excitement from our family members. Everybody was hoping that the baby will arrive on this beautiful date. I had mixed feeling, because I still wished the baby will make her debut on our 6th wedding anniversary. At that point, I did not put up too much hope because my ob-gyn was in a rush to get the baby out I figured that she wouldn't agree with me.

Since nothing happened the day before, once again I had to be induced for the second time. After a while, I began to have real contractions. It started like having a drill shoved up my vajayjay, constantly drilling trying to open a passage for the baby. Then a sharp knife joined the drill, while at the same time a monster is ripping up my internal organs.

Induced birth pain is horrendous! I tried pacing, lying down, kneeling, squatting, anything to relieve the pain but nothing works. A monster has taken over my body and wreaking havocs inside.

Then there was the constant VEs AGAIN, and guess what, the opening has progressed by 1cm. 1 FREAKIN' CM! I cried when the nurse cheerfully told me that.

By evening, I started to lose my sanity and snapped at everyone who tried to soothe me. My toddler was not spared my crazy mood and my mom decided to bring her back home. Which was a good decision.

My husband had a class in the evening and he told me he was going to class. I almost murdered him on the spot! How could he even think of leaving me alone with the pain! He left anyway because I was not making any sense at this point. The good thing was he came back early after informing his lecturer that his wife was in labour (which he could have told over email?!)

13 December 2012. I was not getting much sleep from the contraction and my vajayjay pain. When my ob-gyn came to check on me. She suggested for us to go for C-sec and I cried! I had endured pain up to this point only to be told I need to consider C-sec? We had a bit of a fight with the doctor and she left me feeling frustrated and angry.

This turned out not to be a beautiful birth story as I anticipated. I was feeling distressed, bewildered and disappointed with my own body for not cooperating with my wish.

Later that day, two nurses came to check on me and despite my pain-wrecked brain, they managed to comfort me and told me that what was important was for the baby to be born healthy. She won't remember how she was born anyway. Which made sense to my fatigued brain. So I agreed to the suggestion with one condition - that I be allowed one day rest to recover from the induced pain and to birth my baby on 15 December - our 6th anniversary baby.

15 December finally arrived. My C-sec was scheduled at 7.30am, but I was woken up as early as 6am to monitor foetal heartbeats, blood pressure and also was given another zantac (for gastric), as well as enema to purge my bowel (which I loathe heartily as it was the second time I had to take it - and it was unpleasant!).

Truth be told, I was really nervous and freaked out by the thought of having to go through yet another C-sec delivery. The thought of the pain after the anaesthetic has worn off, having to walk after the operation, caring for the incision wound, dealing with wound infection (my previous incision actually became infected and oozed foul-smelling discharge for weeks before I decided to go to a doctor to get it checked out) and most importantly, the difficulty of nursing my baby for the first few days after the surgery are really intimidating! The last part was the toughest - right after surgery, I could not sit up to breastfeed and was told to lie sideways to feed instead. Moving my body sideways was agony enough.

Yet, I tried to psyche myself into thinking that at least it will be over soon and hey, who else gets to celebrate three different occasions on the same date? Wedding anniversary and birthdays all fall on 15 December :) Something special that's worth the sacrifice.

So on the morning itself, I was calmer and definitely more confident to go through C-sec for the second time. At least, I know the drill already - change into surgery gown, wheeled into operation theater (OT), sign some forms, have the spinal block injection, lie down, have catheter inserted inside, have tummy cut open, baby out, kiss baby, wound stitched up, wheeled into recovery area, wait for 30 minutes, and then back to own room to meet baby and a round of breastfeeding.

And several times I warned Hubby, 'Please do not faint during the operation, or this will be the last time you'll get me pregnant!' No freaking way I'm going to endure the operation and any complexity on my own this time.

I was not really that confident with my anaesthetist - during his briefing session on the previous night, he spoke so fast that I had to repeatedly ask him to slow down to comprehend anything that he was saying. So when he was flushing out my blood clot from the drip needle stuck on my left hand since Monday night, I nervously told him, 'Please tell me before you do anything!'

He took it seriously. So when he was injecting the spinal block, he actually narrated every single action he took,

'Now looking for the area between your spine to inject... found it.'

'Now sterilising the area and its surrounding on your back. Slight cool sensation there...' while rubbing iodine or whatever steriliser he's using on my back.

'Now sterilising the area for the second time...'

'Now inserting needle in the area... slight stinging. Take a deep breath...'

OK, it was a bit too much but I found it to be amusing and almost hilarious that I forgot to feel nervous! I imagined that my ob-gyn will do the same thing,

'OK, now cutting open the first layer of your tummy... Slight discomfort there...' OMG! Scary!

But of course she did not. After the drug had taken its course and my lower body started to feel tingling numb, I was asked to lie down and an oxygen mask was put on me. Then only Hubby appeared and sat down next to me. The funny thing is, he kept looking down throughout the whole operation for fear of accidentally seeing any blood and... there goes any prospect of having a son the next time!

Thankfully, I slept late the night before so I was feeling sleepy, on top of the numbing effect of the drug coursing through my spine and into my nervous system. Knowing what was happening to me helped me as well - so I was less concerned and concentrated on feeling blissfully not in pain while inhaling the oxygen supplied.

I'm on vacation, I thought peacefully. Hubby was stroking my head and yes, the whole experience was not too bad this time! No pain below the shoulder blade (which actually was due to trapped gas last time), no feeling to my legs and only the blissful feeling of sleepiness engulfing me and shrouding my brain.

My obgyn's assistant warned me to feel slight pressure as the top of my tummy was pressed down to push the baby out. A few minutes later, my obgyn cheerfully said, 'Hello, it's a healthy baby girl!'

It's a girl!

I heard the sound of fluid sucked out from her lungs before she let out a very loud scream almost like she was furious of being forced out of the warm comforting womb.

Baby was quickly cleaned up, weighed and measured before a nurse took her to us and I almost cried out of joy at seeing this beautiful little girl. We kissed her - blood-stained and all, before Hubby took her and wandered into a corner of the room to recite azan and iqamah. Then she was whisked off to the nursery in a warm incubator. I asked Hubby to follow them to the nursery while my obgyn finished up the operation.

Then I was wheeled to a recovery area, where I spent the time still high on drugs (hehehe) and drifting in and out of sleep. Once the 30 minutes were up and my vital signs were looking good, I was brought up to my room, to be greeted by my tearful Mom who told me that the baby had been brought to the room earlier on but they took her back to the nursery again.

I requested to have the baby for breastfeeding, but before that, I started to shiver badly till my teeth chattered which was a normal effect from the drugs. Nurses came to bring me more warm blankets and after half an hour, I met my little baby for the second time.

To be honest, when I first looked at her properly I thought - oh, how different she is from Khayla. Whilst Khayla was fair with fine hair and tiny mewling cries, Khadeeja has darker skin, a head full of thick black hair and big black eyes. While I fell in love at first sight with Khayla, it took me some time to overcome my astonishment at this baby. Truthfully, I even asked Hubby if this was the same baby we saw that morning! I mean, the hospital could have swapped someone else's baby with mine because Khadeeja was so different. Forgive your fatigued mom who had to endure 3 days of non-progressive labor, Khadeeja!

Eventually my mom admonished me and said all babies are born differently, the womb is an oven not a photocopy machine for cry out sake. I held her in my arm and offered my milk and then, the next difference came as a pleasant surprise to me - this Khadeeja need not be taught how to latch properly - she just turned her head towards the smell and latched on like a champion! From that moment, I fell in love with her, as she stayed latched on to me for several hours after that.

3 days later we were discharged and Khadeeja did not even develop jaundice (I suspect from the constant feedings that she had, or maybe from all the miso soup with seaweed that I craved for and consumed throughout my pregnancy).

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Monday, March 25, 2013

The Cloth Diaper Story - Khadeeja's Experience

Hi peeps!

Today I'm gonna talk about cloth diaper experience. Ever since my friend introduced me to cloth diapers, I have been a huge fan of it for numerous reasons. One, because I love the environment. Do you know how much landfills are made up of dirty diapers? Can you imagine inheriting those landfills to your kids? I can't. I want them to have a clean, good environment to live in when they grow up. Two, because in the long run it saves us a lot of money. Three, because it's available in various cute colours *coughcoughpurple* Four, the modern cloth diaper is designed in practical manner and can be used from newborn to toddler age. Last but not least, it's so easy to use and to clean - gone are the days when cloth diapers need to be hand-washed separately to remove the soils and urine.

Basically, switching to cloth diaper is not tedious at all and therefore, suits my busy lifestyle.

Khadeeja wearing cloth diaper by Lunatots brand

Ever since I was pregnant with Khadeeja, I've made up my mind to use cloth diapers on her on daily basis. The disposable diapers are only reserved for long outings (which I intend to change soon and try using cloth diaper exclusively).

I chose Lunatots cloth diaper (CD) because I love their practical design that enables the CD to grow with the baby - their adjustable buttons are the trick. Isn't that clever? Secondly, most diapers are designed to have inner inserts. Lunatots Premium CD have outer inserts that are easily removed for cleaning and only need to be clipped onto the outer layer for use. Read more on my reviews of their CD here and here.

Starting the cloth diaper is neither hard nor expensive, once you have decided to be an environmental- and price-conscious mom. These are some of the initial reservations and how I handled it:

1. Cloth diapers are expensive! Disposables are cheaper in the short-run. Do I really save a lot if I switched to cloth diapers?

For moms who find the initial investment quite intimidating (the premium cloth diaper's price sets you back by RM69.90 per set), do not lose heart. It may look intimidating now, but the savings that you make in the long run especially when you start early is worth it. For example, after I decided to use CD exclusively, we never found the need to re-stock Khadeeja's disposable diaper since a month ago. That saves us RM75/month. If she used CD till she's fully potty-trained at the age of 36 months old, we would save roughly RM1302.

Some people will say, 'Oh, it's not that much savings! Only RM1302 for 3 years. What's the big deal?' If we put that RM75 to her savings every month, she would have more than that amount since she'll earn dividends and whatnots, don't you agree? Furthermore, if you have two kids using diapers, you can save around RM2k with the same initial investment. Double the savings, parents!

2. But I don't earn that much! How can I buy enough diapers for daily use?

I thought of the same too. But since I found out about my pregnancy, I started to purchase the diapers in small quantity every month. I bought at least one diaper per month, and towards the end of my pregnancy, I had collected 20 CDs of the same brand (including those I bought for Khayla before I knew I was pregnant again). The CDs are used by my firstborn before Khadeeja's arrival, and now that Khayla is most of the time diaper-free, Khadeeja uses the diapers daily :)

3. Does it leak? I doubt it will last as long as a disposable. I might have to change it sooner than a disposable.

Mothers, what are thinking? Do you wear the same sanitary pad all day during your menses? No, right? Why practise differently when it comes to your baby? Disposables might not leak because they have chemical gels to lock the urine, but as it absorbs more urine, the gel will soon get in contact with the baby's bottom and baby ends up with diaper rash. Diapers need to be changed on regular basis whether it's "full" or not anyway.

By the way, so far I change the CD every 3-4 hours for 3-month old Khadeeja (unless she poops, of course). That is roughly the same duration of using a disposable. And since the outer layer is water-proof, the CD doesn't leak. Therefore in a day, Khadeeja wears 5 CDs (at night, I put extra layer for her comfort).

Besides saving me a lot of disposables, it also means less garbage for us to bring down to the garbage bin, especially since we are living in an apartment!

4. Five CDs in a day? So in 4 days, she'll run out of clean CD and that means more laundry, right? How troublesome.

When you are the type that sends dirty clothes to a nearby laundry instead of doing your own laundry, yes. When you don't have a washing machine and instead, hand-wash your clothes, yes. For the first type, having a kid is not advisable. For the second type, get a washing machine! What's wrong with you?? Let the machine do the job while you bond with your kids.

For me, every time I change the diapers, I will put the soiled CD in a pail. When the pail is full, I dump everything in the washing machine, fill it up with water and detergent, let the diapers soak for an hour or two before starting the washing mode. If Khadeeja poops in it, I just remove the poo in the toilet bowl, give it a bit of a rub to remove the excess soil, and soak the insert in detergent and just a little bit of bleach overnight before adding that to the washing machine. Remember, I'm mom to 2 kids, and I've done this since I was working and studying, while looking after a young toddler and pregnant at the same time! What's your excuse?

At the same time, I do advise you to wash the CDs once the clean ones are down to a day's need so that there's ample time for the CDs to dry and you will have more clean stock to last you for the next few days :)

All in all, considering the huge benefits of using a cloth diaper, it was a decision that I don't regret. Of course nothing is ever perfect - for example after a while the outer layer velcro tapes tend to wear out and don't stick as good as before. This is because I don't use the mesh bag when laundering the CDs. Lunatots also have another option of buttons instead of velcro tapes. Furthermore, I'm informed that they can help you to change the velcro tapes at a fee if you bring the CDs to their shop. You can even change it yourself.

I hope more and more mothers will make the decision to use cloth diapers because saving the environment is not a job for only one mom. I've done my part, so please do your part as well, won't you?

Help me grow up in a clean environment, people...

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Saturday, March 23, 2013

The Potty Training Journey

Happy Saturday peeps!

I've been wanting to document the story of Khayla's potty training because in no time at all, I'll be potty-training Khadeeja for all I know! Seriously, these kids grow up too fast. One minute Khadeeja is just a wrinkled, day-old baby and now she's rolling on the mattress and turning herself from back to front! Sob, sob… I wish I could freeze time and spend more time with their baby selves, you Moms out there know what I mean right?

Ok. So back to potty-training journey.

Before I gave birth to Khadeeja, we found out that Khayla's awesome nursery is closing shop and suddenly, we are back to square one - taska shopping! I tell you, this is one task that I hate to do because it involves major transition and nerve-wrecking, trust/relationship-building all over again. What if Khayla can't fit in? What if she cries every day? What if the new place is not as good as the old ones? Eh, eh, why am I writing about taska-shopping pulak?

Anyway, soon we found the best school in Sri Gombak to send our 2-year old daughter. The moment I stepped into the school, I just love the environment, the syllabus, the friendly kids of which some attended Khayla's previous nursery so she won't be too lonely after losing her one and only best friend.

The only problem is - okay there are two problems. One, she was not 2 and a half years old yet. She just turned two. The school only admits 2 1/2 year old kids to 6 years old for some developmental milestones reasons and because their concept is not a nursery but a kindergarten. Two, because she wasn't potty-trained yet.

We are back on the potty-training story. Yeay!

It was then I decided that she should start to be potty-trained so that she could try out at the school because developmental wise, I'm confident my Khayla is quite an independent spirit. She just needs to lose the diaper and she's as good as any 2 1/2 year old kids. Hehe.

The moment I got back from my maternity leave in Bintulu, we straightaway got down to the potty-training task.

WARNING: 'Accidents' WILL happen during this process. My friend warned me to put away carpet and put water-proof layer on my sofa which I didn't heed (and later regretted). Always ensure mop is available and plenty of rags to wipe up the pool of urine! Occasionally, you might also need kitchen towel to pick up faeces. So make sure you put your kid on a regular diet and NOT introduce something that might IRRITATE his/her tummy during this process!

TIPS: When can you start potty-training? Studies show that starting too young is not really beneficial (except it saves you on diapers, probably?) because kids will learn to control their bladder / bowel movement around 18months or as early as 15 months old. Therefore, even though you start training them at few months old, they will only master the skill at around 18months old and maybe even later. Another suggestion is to start potty-training once the baby/toddler could communicate to you of her/his need to go to the toilet.

Step #1: Buy a training pant

I purchased this Bambinomio training pants

The purpose of wearing training pant is to avoid accidents but at the same time the waterproof layer makes the toddler feel wetness on her bum area. Bambinomio has these pants in various cute colours :) For more info, go to Bambinomio.com to check out the details.

For the first few days, Khayla looked puzzled and kept stopping to feel the pants because it must have been weird that it isn't as heavy as wearing a diaper! LOL! I still put this on her as her underwear at home because sometimes she gets engrossed in her play and only realises she needs to go to the toilet when it's too late :p

Step #2: Buy a potty chair

I thought of potty-training Khayla ever since she turned one so I bought a potty seat, you know the one that you just put over the toilet seat so that kids will not fall into the toilet while using it. But then I fell pregnant with Khadeeja and just didn't have the energy to potty-train a toddler with my constantly sick condition.

Potty seat similar to the one that I first purchased last year

Why I bought this? First of all, it's less than RM10. And the practical me thought - let's skip the whole potty chair thing-y and get her used to using the real toilet because I don't have to clean up the potty after she does her business. Ladies & gentlemen, that is one dumb thought. Most toddlers find it terrifying to sit on a toilet for the first time because they feel like they will fall into the toilet bowl. My Khayla is no exception.

So I bought a potty chair that resembles the toilet for her to use. She thought it was great fun lifting up the lid, sitting on it and then pretending to flush it for the first few days.

Kids' potty chair

Oh yeah? How did she figure out the whole steps? Through observations, of course. There's no such thing as privacy when you become a parent!

Step #3: Scheduled toilet visits

This is the second most tiring part after wiping and mopping urine off the floor. Basically every 30 minutes I had to call her and bring her to sit on the potty chair whether she really wants to go or not. I will stand by the door making 'sheee-ing' sounds while she gave bewildered stare at me. This lasted between 10-15 minutes and then she was free to step out. The next minute I knew, she made this sound, 'Ahhh… Shee-shee…' and I have a pool of urine to clean up!

T_T

Step #4: Free, free as a bird!

With cloth diaper and training pants are not producing any exciting behaviour modification just yet, so I decided to heed a few people's advice of letting her loose without any diapers. Just shorts, or even in just her t-shirt sometimes. The first few days were nightmares - I was screaming non-stop whenever she had her 'accidents' on the carpet / sofa / bed / floor. Especially on the carpet! I know it's not her fault for not telling because she's still not used to it, but I couldn't help ranting at her for making me wipe the carpet / floor / change sheets / etc.!  This continued on for the next 3 days.

By the 4th day, she was kind enough to let me know by saying, 'Ahhh… Shee-shee!' while she had her 'accidents'. So I ranted at her again ('Why must you tell me AFTER you have done it???') for the next 2-3 days.

By the 2nd week, somehow it got through her mind that she must tell me before she went, so she said, 'Shee-shee?' and off we sprinted to the toilet together, me cheering her on and giving praises for her thoughtfulness!

Talk about positive and negative reinforcement!

Step #5: Let her be involved in the process

Since Khayla loves to imitate my actions and loves feeling like a grown-up, so I let her empty her potty after she has had a go, then flush the toilet. This is the part that she loves doing the most and thankfully, she has gone through the transition from diaper to potty within just 2 weeks without much fuss (and lots of exercise for me of course).

In fact, she became so used to being clean and dry all day that she even refused to wet her diaper pant when we go out, but instead will make a noise that will escalate to frantic noises if she has to go to the toilet! Sometimes at night, she also wakes us up to go to the loo. It was kind of amusing at first, but now we look back in nostalgia at those times when we had a good night sleep!

Khayla also became confident enough to use the toilet itself whenever she has to do No. 2, much to my relief. She learnt to rest her feet on the potty chair lid so having the potty chair was a blessing indeed.

So there it is. Khayla's potty-training journey. I hope that Khadeeja's journey will be as smooth and turbulent-free as this one!

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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Letter to My Girls: Khayla (26 months) & Khadeeja (2 months)

Dear Khayla & Khadeeja,

I'm sorry that this has been very much overdue darling daughters. I am not sure what is wrong with Blogspot because I've typed a lot of words lovingly to depict the progress made by both of you and I've no idea where did all those words gone to! Grr… Perhaps I should switch to Wordpress now, eh? EH?

Ok, sabar… I'll give Blogspot another chance this time.

This month both of you turned a month older. A month is just another month for grown-ups like Mak and Bapak, but for both of you, it means one of you can sing Twinkle-twinkle Little Star in a more coherent manner, and the other has outgrown a lot of those cute little one-sies.

Khadeeja my chubby-licious baby,

I'm just so madly, deeply and irrevocably in love with you, sayang! For a two-month old baby, you are quite advanced in terms of social development. Perhaps because my pregnancy hormones this time were less raging and I was not such a dragon when I was pregger with you? I don't know, but I'm so enjoying you right now. Why you ask?

First. There's your chubby cheeks, just asking to be kissed and smooched all the time. Then those chunky arms and legs, making me feel so 'geram' and always asking to be picked up. Your eyes, always lit up with joy whenever you see me approaching. And the highlight of my day, your beautiful smile that you bestowed so generously on anyone who greets and coos with you.

Those lovely coos. Have I not mentioned those cooing sounds you started making this month? You are one very friendly baby, sweetheart. When I bathe you, when I pick you up and when I cuddle with you, you are full of coos. Sometimes we ended up engaged in deep conversations where I asked you questions about your day and you answer me earnestly in coos. I know that your day has been so damned great when you coo so much to me.

'Let's coo, Mak...'

My diamond and precious jewel,

Whenever we go out, I can't help feeling extremely proud when people pass remarks of how cute you are. The most notable remark is probably your shockingly thick hair which you inherit not from me. Hehehe. As I fondly told others, if I did not witness you coming out of my tummy with those abundant hair, I would not believe that I have given birth to such a beautiful baby either.

Dear Khayla,

Last month was the first time you were away from me. Since I had to stay in KL until I had my urut session, you went back with Makyeng alone and I was racked with worry and pangs of missing my firstborn daughter. On the first day, I called Makyeng and pestered her with a lot of questions like, 'Did she cry? Did she ask for me? Did she ask for her Bapak?' But mom assured me that you are not at all thinking of us, but are delighted to find a house full of cats and hey, your tricycle from last August! Over the past few days after that, your grandmother had been keeping me updated with your new explorations and discoveries, and various outings in the Kancil that you tremendously enjoyed.

This month you started going to kindergarten after three months of staying at home. I was worried that you would not be able to adapt yourself back to school life. The first day was rather an anxious moment for me, and as we left you at the very posh kindergarten (of course, nothing but the best for you) you were bewildered and started to cry. But those cries were not for long. When I picked you up from school, you were all smiles. The next day, you looked forward to going to school again because they had so many toys I guess? LOL. Teachers told me that you have been wonderful and even better than other newcomers. Not only you did not cry, you also can drink from a cup unassisted and joined in with class activities. Did you hear that? You, the youngest of them all, top them by not crying on your first week at school!

I'm beyond proud - I feel like shouting on the rooftop that I have the best babies in the world!

There. That's what being two years old is all about. Boundless of energy, and SINGING. My goodness, there was never a moment when you did not sing. You sing and hum all the time, and you memorise all your favourite nursery tunes namely TTLS (Twinkle-twinkle Little Star), OMHAF (Old McDonald Has A Farm, IBS (Itsy-Bitsy Spider), and even throw in an occasional Row, Row, Row Your Boat and the rain song (Rain, Rain, Go Away).

In addition to singing, you have started to show strong interest in scribbling. Give you a crayon and a colouring book, and you are one happy toddler. So happy that you also scribbled my very expensive cabinet surface! *pengsan*

My sweet pumpkin,

So many things that you have achieved this month - you are like this super-absorbent sponge soaking up new words, new actions, new songs and everything in very short time. One of your most delightful new skill is going from diaper-wearing to using the potty. It took me 2 weeks to put you on the potty and waiting for you to do your business while you made puzzled expressions at me making 'shee'-ing sounds, pulling out my hair giving you earfuls when you forgot to tell that you need to go to the toilet, mopping the floor and wiping the carpet endlessly train you to use the potty and when you finally did it and learnt to tell us when you need to go, I felt that the achievement was way beyond winning the Royal Award and Deans' List award. 

Khayla & Khadeeja,

Both of you are my greatest achievements. Thank you for brightening up my day.

Love you both with every beat of my heart,

Mak

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Saturday, February 02, 2013

Khayla & Khadeeja

Mula-mula ada adik.
Khayla tak heran.
Mungkin sebab konsep adik terlalu asing.
Mungkin adik seperti tetamu yang akan pergi bila-bila masa.
Maksudnya, adik is not a permanent family member.

Tapi lama-kelamaan Khayla sedar.
Adik tak akan pergi ke mana-mana.
Dan akan sentiasa dalam dakapan emak.
Sejak tu Khayla mula menunjukkan perangai cemburu.
Merengek. Tolak adik. Tarik baju adik. Tendang adik.

Khadeeja apa kurangnya.
Sama-sama tak nak beralah.
Tak padan kecik.
Tendang si kakak. Merengek. Menangis kuat-kuat.

Ok fine.
Adakala aku team Khayla.
Ada masa aku team Khadeeja.
Tapi sebolehnya aku cuba berlaku adil.
Supaya yang kakak tak rasa terasing.
Dan adik tak rasa terabai.
Cinta triangle.

Tapi lately perangai Khayla makin menjadi-jadi.
Mula cemburu bila Khadeeja menyusu.
Mula pandai memukul adik.
Emak tidak suka.

Walaupun ada masa Khayla pun sweet.
Menepuk adik tidur.
Pujuk adik jangan menangis.
Tolong buang diapers kotor.
Memberitahu emak bila adik menangis sorang-sorang dalam bilik.

Tapi bila bab gaduh pukul-memukul mak jadi tidak suka.
Tapi yalah. Apa sangat lah nak dimarahi budak sekecil Khayla.
Lalu aku cuma boleh memujuk Khadeeja yang menangis.
Dan beritahu adik supaya mengalah.
Berikan ruang untuk kakak mengadaptasi.
Menjadi kakak ialah anjakan paradigma.
Yang tak boleh berlaku semalaman.

Malam ni.
Khadeeja bayi yang baik.
Dia tidur diam-diam bila kakak mula meragam.
Tak beri emak peluk Khadeeja.
Cuma boleh peluk Khayla seorang.
Emak layankan je si kakak.
Sampai dia tertidur.
Barulah Khadeeja bangun.
Lalu mencari susu ibu.

Ya. Beginilah motherhood.
Ada pahit. Banyak yang bahagia.
Terima kasih ya Allah.
Kerana beri aku kesempatan untuk merasai
Cinta Khayla dan Khadeeja.

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