Grouchy Mood

I shouldn't have drink coffee. Dammit. I shouldn't have drink coffee. I'm at the risk of jumping down people's throat any second now. Anybody who pissed me off. At the current mood, anything can make me pissed off.

It's about to be the. time. of. the. month. and I drink. coffee. Any crimes I am capable of doing later, is not my fault. I want to make it clear here.

I shouldn't have drink coffee. Confounded it!

Read More

There Was A Light In Me.

There was a light in me.

I stuck the note on my workstation, and briefly read it. Subtlety is always appreciated. To the ignorants, it is a positive statement. It means I am happy. To the observants, it is open for interpretations I won't be bothered to explain here.

There was another meeting on that program again. When everybody has finished presenting their parts, the Chairman of the meeting said,

'I think right now we need to present this to Trump this Monday. Who would do that?'

Even when the words escaped his mouth, he was looking pointedly at me, the Chairman and Jen. We shifted our eyes. It's pathetic, really. When we first came, we were a bunch of high-spirited fresh grads, and not even a year into our job, we are reduced to being shifty-eyed, weary people (and wary of any dumping of work on our shoulder).

The Chairman of the meeting is a wise man, one of the pioneer in the company. He took the hint and said, 'I will present the proposal myself, then.'

I accepted that without feeling guilty. I knew exactly what are their perceptions on me - unfriendly, highly antagonistic, arrogant and uncooperative. What they don't and fail to see, is that I am so tired that I have withdrawn into a shell where I seek shelter from their endless bullets. And wait for the time we can spread our wings and fly away.

For that, I wrote this poem:

The spirit that was born inside of me

On the day it emerged, laughing freely

My spirit sang a joyful song

I am free, I am strong.

The spirit that was born inside of me

Carried a torch of life

It burned bright even in the face of adversity

Full of energy in every strife.

Alas, the spirit that was born inside of me,

Took the last blow and battered, it crawled

Into a shelter to lie and weepingly

It told me as it recalled

There was a light in me

That showed my way

There was a song in me

That made me stay

My spirit told me in its last breath

There was a light in me.

Read More

La nih aku wat keje sampingan sbb cuti 3 hari, aku tak nak buat keje opis. So aku pun offer nak tolong Junaidix design index page web corporate dier. Jadi, aku come up with this layout, siap ngan penerangan sekali. Hehe. So aku harap dier terimapakai la design nih ;)

Anyway, hari nih memang tak best langsung. Aku dah berpindah ke department lain. Bila aku bagitau bos department tu, dier tanya aku nak masuk unit mana. Aku baru nak bukak mulut cakap nak masuk department yg aku dah aim sbb aku tak nak bawah Golden Arch, bila Chairman tetiba menyampuk,

'Golden Arch nyer department...'

Terus bos aku setuju. Time tu, aku rasa macam nak telan je Chairman. Dier saje nak buat lawak la tuh, tapi tau2 dah accepted! Bukan sebulan, 5 bulan maah!!

Aku marah giler kat Chairman sepanjang hari nih. Sampaikan dier nak tolong aku pindahkan barang2 dari opis lama ke opis baru sbb dier rasa bersalah pun aku tak nak. Balik tu, entah kenapa geram sangat kot, menitis air mata masa bawak motor. Tau2 dah nak terlanggar divider tepi jalan... Huhu... Sedey aa...

Begitulah nasib aku. Nak buat camaner.

Read More

Me Against Them.

Semalam Jen kena marah ngan YDPA. Alasan dier sebab Jen tak reply email. Lepas tuh, dier membebel n Jen bagitau dier beberapa kali mention nama aku. Nampak benar dier tak suka kat aku. Aku take it macam tak de apa2 jer. Bagi aku, adil la tu. Aku pun tak suka dier. Tak kira la pangkat dier besar dari aku. Tak kira jugak aku nih sekadar kuli bertauliah ;)

Ayat dier yg buat aku tergelak time Jen citer tuh ialah,

'Just because she's Trump's favourite, doesn't mean that she can do whatever she likes...'

Kesian Jen. Aku tau ekceli YDPA nak belasah aku, tapi sebab frasa ayat pertama tuh dier meby cuak kot. Walaupun sebenarnya fakta tu tak betul langsung. Tak taulah.

Semalam ada meeting pasal bendalah yg YDPA kasi kat kitaorang. Aku rasa meeting nih buang masa. Mula2 aku semangat jugak. Finally, ada gak channel kitaorang nak meluahkan perasaan sbg kuli bertauliah nih. Tapi lama2 tgk at the end of the day, YDPA n batalion dier still mengacau ketenteraman awam, aku rasa tak efektif langsung. Baik la aku buat cara aku sekarang.

Aku harap sumer faham. Sebab before nih, aku tak macam nih. Aku dengar cakap. Aku buat apa yg diaorang suruh. Tapi lama2 mcm dah 'Eh? Bukan sepatutnya keje aku. Apasal aku nak kene buat? Aku kan bawah department lain?' Sebab hal2 yg tak sepatutnya aku buat nih jadi sampai kene balik lambat, etc. Memang aku keje ngan kompeni, tapi kompeni bayar aku utk masa aku 8 jam, bukan 24 jam. Tapi aku selalu bermurah hati kasi extra hours of my life free.

You see. YDPA nih tak bley kasi muka. Dier nih klu dah kasi muka sekali, dier suruh buat banyak2 lagi. Tak baik utk kesihatan. Macam tu jugak ngan the Golden Arch. Golden Arch nih memang the most unpopular person around. Dier nak keje dier je siap, tapi role dier cuma kasi arahan. Aku ingat lagi masa first2 dier masuk dulu. Dier bg cadangan (he's full of idea) tapi part execution tu, cepat je jari dier tunjuk kat orang lain. Sampai sekarang, klu dlm meeting dier cakap, 'If I may suggest...' Mesti kitaorang tertunduk tahan gelak. Wey, idup sapa lagi la dier nak nyusahkan nih?

Tadi ada meeting lagi. Golden Arch dah berjaya mendapatkan plasma tv daripada satu kompeni nih. Kitaorang dah dimalukan disebabkan hal nih. Then dier cakap the magic words sekali lagi, pasal nak buat launching.

'If I may suggest, why not we do something grand for the launching...' (sumer tertunduk sembunyikan sengih sebab dah agak dah ayat dier mesti mula macam tu)

'You may not suggest,' aku bisik kat Ainie. Ainie tahan gelak.

Then bila part sapa nak execute nih, dengan cepatnya dier cakap,

'Why not we ask our kuli2? They have shown that they are capable of bla2x..' Kening aku dah terangkat while sumer orang dah tengok kat kitaorang.

'How aah?' Chairman of the meeting tanya.

Senyap. Chairman, Ainie, Jen ngan aku sumer tengok tempat lain. Nobody said anything.

'Discuss later la.' Chairman dah sense kitaorang reluctant kot.

Aku tau Golden Arch pun tak suka kat aku. Dulu dier suruh aku buat something, pas tuh aku tak menyahut. Lepas tuh dier dah tak nak ada apa2 kaitan ngan aku. Tapi bila dier suruh Ainie, Ainie ikut cakap dier. Then hidup Ainie sampai sekarang merana. Huhu. Balik2, 'Ainie, why don't you...'

Sumer orang tertanya2 kenapa aku tak takut langsung ngan depa nih. Alasannya mudah n simple. Kalau diaorang komplen kat Trump n Trump nak buang aku pun aku tak kisah. After all, aku rasa tak aci la klu keje diaorang nak suruh kitaorang buat. At the end of the month, who gets the bigger paycheque? Diaorang jugak. Gaji kitaorang still ciput walhal keja mcm nak rak.

So biarlah diaorang tak suka kat aku, asal aku bahagia n aman tenteram :)

Read More

Obnoxiously rebellious

I wanted to tell you about the visit in KL. We met up with 3 companies and did pretty good in our meeting. Somehow, I didn't feel like telling you that. I had a bad day today, and everything seemed to be wrong.

First of all, on Sunday, I fell on my right hand when I went ice-skating. For a while, my arm felt numb like electricity flowed thru the veins and all that. Now I couldn't straighten my arm without flinching in pain.

Then this morning, I rode on my bike and halfway, felt that my bike was somehow wobbling dangerously. I stopped by the roadside, and discovered that my tyre tube at the back had burst, causing the instability. I had to push my bike for quite a distance, and hell, it was painful! Then I decided to just ride very, very slowly to somewhere much safer, away from lorries rushing by and honking at me.

Luckily, my roommate (I have a new roommate now) came to fetch me with her fiance, my friend Didiz. Pojie (Didiz's friend) parked my bike at the nearest parking, then they sent me to office. Thanks Di & Sal.

I had a hellish day. First of all, we had that meeting again. I hate that meeting. With so many other things to do, it's giving me headache. Then I lost the person's contact number whom I was supposed to meet during lunch. Hellish. If I was in The Apprentice, I'd be fired at the end of the day. In my case, I'd welcome it.

Then one of the managers sent an email, demanding report on certain duties that are by right, shouldn't be ours. I seriously got pissed off by the email. I sent an email to the HR department, asking them whether it's right for these people to send us this email. Asking where are the training objectives and how are we evaluated. I asked what's the point of rotating us if any managers can at any time, ordered us around. I couldn't handle it anymore. I had had a bad day, my motorbike had a puncture, I missed a lunch appointment, and now THIS. Gawd. Seriously.

Some people call me obnoxious, because I say what I want, do what I please. The truth is, that's basically true. I do what I want, say what I please anyway. I cease to care about what people think of me, and whether I'd be called into Trump's room if I didn't do what I don't want to do. It's a screwed up programme, this whole thing. We rush around, doing everything. But does this everything contribute to the achievement of our training objectives, at the end of the day? In the first place, what are the objectives? What are the evaluation measurement that they use to appraise us? What are our goals? What do we want to be at the end of everything?

Sigh. I so hate to do this. I guess now I have to do this because I don't see a future from where I'm currently standing. I'll just be - the way they see it. Obnoxiously rebellious.

Read More