Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The Point of Reflection

Last week, I cleared off most of the memos. All the memos are important. Department lain dah bising mintak itu ini. We have approximately 5 weeks to prepare an event. Yet, only 1 memo was signed. Last week, I sent a draft SOP to be cleared off. I never got any reply despite several reminders I sent.

It's really frustrating to work like this, isn't it? I have my own deadlines to achieve and it takes a helluva of a time to get past the approval phase. Tell me why I shouldn't get frustrated.

My boss is the most de-motivated person around. I do understand & I sympathise with the circumstances. But please la. While my assistant handles everything he is supposed to handle (including his travel claims, etc), I have to handle my assistant's work AND my work, on top of it. Tell me why that should not make me irritated with my boss.

Even the Finance Manager once, in a berrated way told us, 'I have 3 staffs over there, you have three staffs over here. Why can't you help us?' We start to do head-count and concluded he counted my boss' staffs as my assistant+me+me. Apparently, I'm a double-entry. Then I start to worry about how the company is faring when the Finance Manager can't even do head-count properly.

I guess this is the point of reflection. I am in the worst spot in my life - stuck with the work I love in a place I hate. Tough choice, Carneyz. Still, as I say - even the exit is forward.

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

More Meetings!

Hari ni, keje aku memeningkan kepala.

Pening kepala#1

Baru jumpa Trump. Seperti biasa, ekspresi muka dier boleh buat lutut menggigil woo... tapi lepas satu demi satu memo taruk atas meja sambil explain,

'As a way to cut cost...
To help to trim the cost..
A cheaper alternative...'

mungkin menyebabkan cuping telinganya terasa lebih 'sejuk' dan 'nyaman'.

Tapi satu je memo dia sign. Hampehs. Whatever la Datuk, as long as gaji I tak kene trim. OK?

Pening kepala #2

Tengahari, ada meeting di PWTC. Kononnya nak mintak sponsor event. Beriya2 la dieorg nak 'memberikan sokongan padu'. Aku pun bersemangat la story2 pasal event ni. Akhirnya,

Aku: 'So, can I conclude that you are interested to be our main F&B sponsor?'

Encik X: 'Oh yeah. We'd love to support this event. We foresee that this event will enhance our brand & revenue on that day.'

Aku: 'Definitely, no questions about that. As our main sponsor, we'll make sure your brand will be visible. So, are you going to sponsor tea break, lunch or both?'

Encik X: 'Erm... Tengok la dulu.'
Aku: ??
Encik X: 'I can sponsor the mascot, the decorations, bla bla...'
Aku: !#$%&*?? Kata nak jadi main F&B sponsor, apakejadah nak sponsor mascot??

Dari zaman Uni lagi aku paling benci kene suruh carik sponsor. Sebab bila jumpa ngan orang cenggini, nak contribute kalau boleh sebatang pen je, tapi nak branding coverage mengalahkan corporation yang sponsor beratus2 ribu!

Encik X, kalau macam ni, baaaaaiiikkkkk lagi saya sponsor diri-sendiri ok? Lebih jimat tak payah nak buat advertisement khas untuk you!

Pening kepala #3

Bos kiteorg tanya, 'You all nak sponsor apa, ya?'
Aku dan Ira, assistant aku tengok each other dengan pandangan, 'What the...??'

Later...

Ira: Better lagi kalau I duduk atas pangku Encik X tu and cakap, 'Ala, Encik X... Boleh la sponsor makanan utk kiteorg... I think it'll work magic!'

Yes, Ira. Whatever is better than just asking whether they mind giving us a pen as sponsorship.

Pening kepala #4

Hari ni baru hari Khamis?? I can't wait for Saturday!!!

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Monday, March 19, 2007

The Perfect Date

Yesterday, we were forced to go out to smell fresh air or die of boredom at home. Usually, we spent our time watching tv during weekends because: a. It's too hot to go outside, we might get skin cancer. b. Going out = spending $$; and we are not feeling that rich at this time of the month. In fact, at any time of the month.

So we decided to rekindle the old flame and went out on a date. Our choice of location was Lake Garden because we figured there'll be less people compared to Titiwangsa and more shady as the garden has more trees.

We were wrong on the less people part - the park was filled to the tiniest foot square with kids and parents. Kids running and screaming everywhere. Joggers, and even people filming a telemovie.

We bought some food so we can sit somewhere and have something to munch and a cold drink to cool ourselves, then set out to find a good place to sit and watch people. We talked and walked, and talked some more. Suddenly we spotted a cotton tree, with heaps of cottons on the ground. It looked like Christmas out of season.

Boleh kaya jadi pengusaha bantal kapas klu tanam pokok ni belakang umah

I was fascinated and kept blowing the cotton to see how far it could float. My Suami Terchenta pulled me away, afraid that someone would see me acting like a three-year old kid.

We resumed our walk until we came to the lake. Much to our delight, we saw some families renting pedal boats! Apa lagi, nak main jugak la. Sewa pedal boat kat Taman Tasik Perdana cuma RM6 sejam!

We went from one end of the lake to the other, tried to go after the ducks and geese, then pedalled closer to the fountain jets to get some wisps of cool air.

By the time we finished using the pedal boat, it was after 6.30pm. Time to go back home. Before that, we stopped by Gombak to do some groceries, and only headed home around 7.30pm.

As he drove, my husband draped a hand over my shoulder and I leant against him and changed the gear on cue. We sang with the radio then watched the road in silent. I found that I was enjoying myself and that evening had been a peaceful one.

And we both agreed that it was a perfect date that we could repeat every week. Maybe when we are not too lazy to go out anyway.

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

Dream About Death

Two weeks ago, I dreamt that I was at the brink of death. Nazak, to put it that way. Actually, in that dream, I felt perfectly ok but when I looked into the mirror, I saw a deadly pale face with white lips and grayish eyes. If you know how dead people look.

Of course many would say, that dreaming about dying only means you are going to live a little bit longer than you imagine you would. Haha. My question is - are you God?

Anyway, I just want to share the significance of that dream. How do you feel when you realize that any minutes now, the Angel of Death is going to come and take your soul away? In my case, maybe rip it off in such agony that no mortal can stand? But souls are immortal. Whether they can stand it or not, we all have to face the pains of death.

Then all the moments in your life flash back in front of your eyes - all the solat you left intentionally or unintentionally. All the excuses you gave to justify your guilty conscience. Can you fill a few minutes or even seconds to qada or replace the forgotten solat? What about lies? We all tell lies now and then. Will I leave this world with the word 'Munafiq' stamped on my forehead?

Then you try to think fast whether you have carried out your duty as daughter / sister / wife / employee as you should. You think about the days when you come in late for work and when you are dying, you can see it clearly that those aren't just minutes that are ok, but a breach of duty that translates into rezki that might be haram. So will I get whips of fire for that? What about the calls I should make to my family? Now, dah tak sempat.

The best part is as you wait frantically playing the kalimah of shahadah at the tips of your tongue so you won't forget it when Angel of Death comes, you think whether you have committed any offense to others. How in heaven are you going to seek for forgiveness when you are on deathbed? If you can't, how are you going to heaven anyway?

Sins are not a light subject when you are dying. You can't help but think about what you have done and how you regret spending your life doing wasteful things or negliging your duties as God's servant. You try not to think about the pain you are about to face. You try not to imagine the Angel of Death's face. There's only fear and regret that I felt in my dream.

I am terrified of death. I am terrified because I know I'm not ready to go to the Hereafter. I am afraid of darkness, yet my grave will be a dark place. I am claustrophobic (fear of being in a small, shut space), but my grave will be so narrow it will break my bones. I am afraid of getting hurt because the wound stings and throbs like nobody's business, but in the grave, Dark Angels wait with whips and mammoth-sized poisonous animals for people who committed sins.

And didn't God promise that all amalan (deeds), good or bad, small or big, will be rewarded accordingly? Even the smallest deed, as big as a molecule?

Have you dreamed about death?

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

The State of PMS

Lately, I've been feeling down. It's one of the things women have to endure every month, the state of depression. In my case, my depression is rather self-inflicted.

I got depressed when I see my house in chaotic mess. No matter how many times I pick up clothes, towels, bags, books, papers, remote controls, they always find their way back on the floor.

I can't imagine if I start to have children. I'd go crazy, I think.

I got depressed when I wake up to find it's another day at work. Another day of hearing complaints, b*tching, and as if the whole department load is on my shoulders.

I even got depressed when I woke up to find my husband reaching out for the latest 3G handphone to check his email - instead of reaching out to cuddle up with me. I'm beginning to get insanely jealous of the phone and who knows I might throw it out of the window one of these depressed days. Or just hiding it somewhere away from my husband - under the gas stove or in the oven or perhaps in the washing machine. There are endless possibilities to explore.

Recently, I made up my mind to stop whining and grouching about how the system is such a rotten thing and just go about doing works instead of pointing to the right person who ought to do it. Despite management tips to delegate to get more effective, to me it's just bulls*it. The right person never do it and everybody ends up unhappy because the target got delayed, AGAIN.

And I am sick and tired of delays and how people around me keep depending on me or forgot what they are supposed to do because they are so consumed with unhappiness with the whole entire universe. The minute they open up their mouth, they will complain. Or promise to do something but then forgot and when reminded, never do anything. The only solution is to stick my head in the ground ostrich-style and just get moving.

Pray that I get a better offer. I am depressed, depressed, depressed.

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