Thursday, October 03, 2013

Letter Day 3

Dear Khayla & Khadeeja,

What are you both up to today? Makyeng sent a few photos which makes me feel happy, but also missing you terribly and even more. Love is weird that way, darlings.

I miss you both dearly, but I know if you both stay here with me, it will not be for the best of us all. You girls will be neglected, crying and miserable because I have to rush with my deadlines. I will not be able to accomplish anything at all and that will make me feel stressed out. So, I hope you will understand the reason we sent you to Makyeng's, apples of my eyes. We want only the best for you girls. See, you have ample space to play at Pakyeng's place, and you get to go on shopping trips with Makyeng. Isn't that fun?

Kakak,

I love seeing you wear your new shirts. You look so girly, and seems that you enjoy your outing. Have you been nice with adik? Makyeng told me that you woke up late today, maybe because you slept late last night?

Adik,

Wow, 20oz? Seriously? Mak will try to increase pumping sessions and eat more so you could have more milk when we come visiting in a couple of weeks. But overall, I'm just glad that this separation has not affected your appetite and you seem to be taking it in your stride. You are a survivor - just like mommy!

Well my dears, today I managed to complete my Chapter 1. There are a few amendments to make here and there, to beef up certain parts and all other details but I won't bore you with those details. I feel quite happy to be making some progress, so I hope this happy feeling will mean that I will produce more milk. Yeay!

I think I'll stop here, daughters. I hope you girls are already safely in dreamland, dreaming a little dream of me…

You girls are my everything, everything. I love you both.

Letter Day 2

Assalamualaikum kakak and adik,

I trust that you are happy and settling down fine in Bintulu, my sunshine and moonlight. We have passed day 1 but it has been very hard for me. I hope it was not so difficult for you both, but I'm sure adik still miss mak kan, sayang?

Last night I could not sleep a wink. I looked at your photos and your video and wrote a letter to you. At around 2am, I felt so lonely and the house so quiet without you that I started to cry silently. It was hard, my sweethearts. My tears kept trickling out until my heart felt like bursting and I let out a low sob. Bapak woke up to find mak crying, pining for you girls especially for Khadeeja.

This morning, I woke up and I could not open my eyes for a few minutes because they were so swollen. When I did open them, I searched for adik's pyjama that you wore yesterday and buried my nose into it. It brought little relief, but at least I could imagine Khadeeja's presence even when it only exists in my heart.

My dear daughters,

Tonight after class, I checked Makyeng's Facebook and saw that she has updated some photos of you girls. I see that you are enjoying yourselves already in Bintulu. Khadeeja, I can't believe that you are already riding that tricycle :) Makyeng told me that you finished around 12oz of EBM so far, that's great darling. Keep it up. I am also making sure that I pump as frequent as I could, so that I will bring home more supply for you ok?

Khayla, listen to Makyeng sayang… Take your bath, no arguing and no running away. Like Bapak always says - 'No hiding-hiding!'

I am glad that you both are happy and getting all the love and attention that you girls deserve. Bapak and mak are sorry that we could not be there for you girls at this moment. Take care my cupcakes. Be happy. Be well.

Dream a little dream of mak tonight.

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Letter Day 1

Dear Khayla & Khadeeja,

How are you babies? Did you have a good flight just now? I hope you both are settling down well at Makyeng's. Khadeeja, mak pray tonight you will sleep soundly and sweetly - even when it's your first night away from me.

Just now on our way back from the airport, mak cried buckets of tears thinking of both of you. The memory of Khayla crying and stretching your hands towards us as your Ngah carries you to the departure hall keeps re-playing in my head like a broken record. It just breaks my heart that we have no choice but to do this - to send you both away so that we could concentrate on our studies.

My sweeties,

Are you feeling sleepy already? Have you had your dinner? Mak is wondering what are you both doing now. We had so much fun last night, playing rough-a-tumble. When I caught you girls by your ankles and turned you in somersault, you both giggled so hard. Khayla, remember you kept asking me, 'Some more angkat, mak! Angkat Khayla!' And after your turn, you remembered to take turns with Khadeeja and asked me to lift your baby sister. So much fun (even though it's tiring for me!) wasn't it?

Hush adik, go to sleep. Makyeng is tired after a long journey today. Thank God for technology nowadays, I could make video calls and watch you girls from afar. Khayla, have you stopped jumping on the bed? It's time to sleep ok. Khadeeja, no crying. Else mak will start to cry too.

Adik, tonight mak came home to an empty house. Mak is so used to receiving your greetings - Khayla opening the door, Khadeeja crawling from the living room and throwing your small body at me. So much love, so much adoration reflected in those huge eyes, that dimpled smile... Masya Allah, I just melt inside every time I look into those beautiful eyes. It reminds me of Martina McBride's song - 'In My Daughter's Eyes':

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero

I am strong and wise and I know no fear

But the truth is plain to see

She was sent to rescue me

I see who I wanna be

In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand

around my finger

Oh it puts a smile in my heart

Everything becomes a little clearer

I realize what life is all about

How I wish I could have your fingers wrapped around mine right now, darling. Khayla & Khadeeja. So many nights we fall asleep together, both of you lie with heads nestled in the crooks of my arms, Khadeeja reaching out to my lips as you breastfeed, and Khayla running your hand up and down my arm. Oh my babies, my heart is aching for you now!

Khadeeja,

In the car when we were going to the airport, I cuddled you and let you breastfeed. You stared at me throughout half of the journey, as if you could sense our separation. Such a wise child you are, wise beyond your 9 months of age. I told you to be a good girl, to listen to makyeng and not to bite your sister.

Before you left, I hugged you tight and desperately inhaled your scent. Locking all essence of you in my memory. Your thick lock of hair smelled of sweat from your strenuous efforts of taking baby steps at the airport. Your chubby cheeks smelled of your saliva, they say it's the smell of baby's breath and it is the sweetest smell in the world. When I buried my face in your neck, you squirmed but you let me do that. Baby, only Allah knows how sad I am for I would be missing this time of your life. I would probably miss your first proper walk (although you did attempt and manage to walk 3-4 steps on your own towards me the night before). You are only 10 months old once!

Khayla,

I miss our conversations already. I recall a few nights ago I was doing my assignment when you wandered in to check on me, 'Mak what are you doing?' I replied, 'I'm studying, sayang.' You nodded in understanding and commented, 'Study? I see...' And I wanted to grab you and plant kisses on my cheeky little tot! Sometimes I forgot that you are only 2 and a half, because you sound so grown-up now. But when you climb into bed next to me and throw your arms around me, it never fails to make me realize that you are still so small, still my little baby of 31 months old!

I'm going to stop writing now, my angels. If I continued on, I might get teary-eyed again and cried myself to sleep. I want to go to sleep dreaming of your sweet smiles and baby laughter. Sleep tight darlings. Say nighty-night and kiss me. Dream a little dream of me.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Cerita Merdeka & Hari Malaysia

This is a story about honesty. About friendships. About life in Malaysia and how blessed I am to be a Malaysian. I love my country in all her flaws and imperfections, but it is perfect for me.

Story #1: The lost and return

On Merdeka day, I lost my purse at The Mines, most probably at the baby changing room because I was in a hurry to go to the toilet. After changing Khadeeja and strapping her to the stroller, my husband showed up and I hurriedly asked him to 'look after stuffs' and went off to the toilet.

Us happily posing at The Mines before the missing purse incident

Yes, yes, I know. This is my second time losing my purse. Perhaps because I'm not working now (hence hardly paying out of my own purse!), I have become careless when it comes to looking after this one possession which used to be so precious to me.

Then again, there's the tedious process of replacing all my bank cards, my student card and most importantly my identification card and Khadeeja's. Darn. Nowadays citizens who lost their Mykad have to pay penalty of RM100 for each time they lost their Mykad. I've lost mine for the second time, so that means I have to pay RM200. Plus Khadeeja's Mykid. So that's RM300+ just to get a new Mykad and Mykid. That's excluding my driving license (RM20, plus I have to take photos for the new license), my bank cards (RM12 each to get new ATM cards), and… what with the new semester coming up next week. Serve me right for being careless!

Right away, I blocked my ATM cards and credit cards. So it was just a matter of making a police report so I could proceed to JPN to get new Mykad. Everything revolved around Mykad. My bank cards could only be issued once I have Mykad. I could only pay my semester fee once I have my credit card. Can you see the link here? Pfft.

So today, as I hurriedly got ready to go out to make a police report, my phone (thank God I didn't keep it in my purse!) rang. It was Khayla's teacher. I answered the call and breathlessly told her I was in a hurry so could I return her call later? She quickly cut me and said, 'No, no. I'm not talking about Khayla. I just want to ask whether you've lost your purse at The Mines yesterday? Because a Malay guy called me up and said he found your purse and wants to return it to you.'

I was elated! So this evening, we met up at Putrajaya and the guy came with his family (wife and two young sons). He gave me the purse with everything intact. According to him, he saw the purse at the changing table, and was in a dilemma whether to leave it there (thinking that maybe we would realise it missing and come back to the room again), or to keep it safe. He finally opted for the second decision as he noticed the purse contained Mykad and Mykid, which would be dangerous should it fall in the wrong hands. He also tried calling all the numbers he could find in the purse (the membership cards, not so helpful unfortunately), and finally found a receipt from Khayla's school, which is how he ended up calling u Khayla's teacher.

We strongly insisted to give duit raya to their sons (which they strongly refused but somehow we won). They did not expect us to give them anything for their honesty.

Terima kasih En Mohd Faizal, kerana masih lagi meyakinkan kami bahawa rakyat Malaysia masih ada yang jujur dan amanah :)

Khadeeja with the returned purse, in front of Masjid Putrajaya

Story #2: Lunch date with Mr & Mrs Chen

It's been more than a year ago since we last met at the hospital where I was being treated for severe dehydration due to morning sickness. My dear friend, Jen was also pregnant and suffering from morning sickness but she came nonetheless, the two of us miserable with our pregnancy state. Hehe.

Fast-forward a year later, she has arranged for a lunch date together, to meet each other's little ones who were responsible for our sorry state back then :p Khadeeja and Wei Ying were born only 3 days apart but they were so different in terms of size! Khadeeja were the more petite one, weighing only 6kg+ because she can't keep still and forever moving around, while Wei Ying is a healthy 9kg 8 months old.

We had our lunch date at Lazis restaurant in Mont' Kiara. In a Middle East restaurant, a Chinese couple and a Malay couple sat together having lunch and catching up on each other's news. Later, our kids played together and laughed with each other:

Jen carrying Khadeeja, yours truly carrying Wei Ying (even tho WY heavier, but less tiring than carrying a hyperactive Khadeeja!)

Khadeeja sayang Wei Ying who also chuckled in delight

Khayla and Wei Jiun running all over the restaurant, copying each other's antics!

At the end of the lunch date, Wei Jiun asked his mom whether he could follow Khayla in our car. Hahaha! The innocence of a small boy…

We may be different in skin colour, race, culture and religion but we agree that our kids are lovely and the nasi briyani (which was their treat this time!) was simply delicious!

Story #3: Meeting My University Best Friend

A couple of weeks ago my best friend was in KL so I decided to spend the day with her, doing girly stuffs which I had not done for a long, long time!

We had lunch, then shopped (me for my baby's stuff, she for a lot of people in her family including herself!) and finally ended up in i-City, camwhoring like crazy:

Camwhoring at the mamak

Camwhoring at i-City with Khadeeja

Konon-konon nak buat simbol 'love' tapi tak jadi!

Advance Christmas postcard shoot, kata Agatha

Over delicious tea at SACC Mall, we discussed about how her marriage to a Catholic guy will shape her kids' life (whether they will be baptised and raised as Anglican Christian in their mother's faith, or her husband's). Later at the hotel (she begged us to stay over since her room is really huge!), she offered a place for us to pray, but we declined out of respect even though there is a sign showing the qiblat direction in the room.

There is no such things as taboo, because we respect each other's religion, and we understand where our similarity in faith meets, and where it ends.

Dear Allah,

Thank you for making me a Malaysian, for giving me the opportunity to meet multi-racial friends, for surrounding me with honest people, and for the peace and little pleasures that we more often than not, taken for granted.

Alhamdulillah. May the common things among us precede our differences, and our differences complement rather than be a source of dispute among us.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Makan-makan Again!

Oops. I thought the makan-makan at Kak Retna's place was the last entry about Raya, but apparently it was not! Out of the blue, hubby decided to host this year's open house at the very last minute, itu pun after Syawal ended :P Err… makan je lah!

This time we decided to do it on smaller scale though, unlike the one we did last year. Orang kata, sekadar cukupkan syarat je. My hubby's boss has been nagging him about having one, so he also nagged me about cooking for the open house until I said, ok la. Do la.

Since we are having friends and neighbours over for the open house, I invited my dearest friend, Jen and her family as well. Jen has been enjoying some freedom (probably because she complaint a lot in our Whatsapp conversation about how she can't go out during weekend with her kids no thanks to her hubby blablabla, and guess what, she is using her hubby's handphone to Whatsapp some more hahahahha!) and she was more than happy to come so our kids could play with each other again.

For this open house event, my mom and I prepared a new, never-been-served before dish called 'mi belacan', which is a cross of yong tau fu and kangkong belacan. I was also super rajin and baked a few cookies and chocolate cupcakes, which I decorated with icing with the help of Khayla:

Khayla gigih menghias cupcake. Pagi2 celik mata dah tolong tabur manik atas cupcake!

My first time decorating cupcakes :)

Mi belacan. I just found out Malays don't eat centurion egg (we Sarawakians do!) (Photo credit: Kak Retna)

Even Omar Ariff, the TV presenter came over!

After some guests left, we changed the kids' clothes to their swimsuits and brought them to the pool. Khayla initially refused to swim on her own, but when she saw us clapping at Wei Jiun's first time effort swimming on his own, she dived right in and swam towards him! Same thing happened when WJ was eating a cupcake, Khayla came up and even asked for a cupcake. The power of peer pressure! Hahahaha!

Kids having a good time

Our two babies are also bonding well, even though Khadeeja was not her usual bouncing, active self because she just woke up from sleep:

Wei Ying looks so happy to see Khadeeja

Ok. Wei Ying just looks happy all the time! Hahaha!

Fab food. Great company. Feel like doing this every week, HAHAHAHA! *hubby pengsan*