Final Goodbye.

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'Dun cry. Please dun cry.'
'I'm going to lose my all time mate...' Her hot tears made me feel like weeping too. Tak masuk Kak Za lagi.
'Mek. Kak Za sedih la awak dah nak gi.'
'Jangan la macam tu Kak Za. Saya pun rasa cam tu jugak.'
'Naper awak nak pindah mek?'
Naper? Naper?

Bila hari terakhir aku di JB, baru aku umumkan yang aku akan berpindah kepada semua. Masing2 terkejut. Kenapa tak bagitau awal? Kenapa nak pindah?

Kenapa? Kenapa?

'We're gonna miss you.' Kak Eyna peluk aku. I hugged her & Layla tightly. 'I'm going to miss everyone of you too.' Looking at Layla's stomach, I said, 'Jangan lupa jemput majlis bercukur rambut baby nanti.' 'Insya Allah.'

Then it was the Fab Four. Chairman, blessed his soul, seolah2 terlupa aku dah nak pergi. The effort to gather the five of us together had twice been let down by him. Tak pelah Chairman. Maybe hanging out with 4 crazy girls are not that hot an idea as before. We had lunch. We laughed. We told stories. We laughed. I leant against Ainie's shoulder affectionately. I love my friends dearly. Then why am I leaving them?

Why?

Sekali lagi, sebelum naik bas, aku peluk Kak Za, Yana, Ainie, Jen, & Survivor satu persatu. 'Thank you. Thank you.' I couldn't say anymore. I have been so lucky to have them as my friends. I will miss them sorely. So badly.

Dari tingkap bas, aku cuba berlagak tenang. Melihat Jen menyapu air mata di pipi. Smile, I mouthed to her. I smiled. And waved. Then the bus moved away. It was so cold. Outside, and inside. There's this hollow feeling. My hands felt numb. I put my hand in my jacket pocket. I felt the hard, lumpy string. I pulled it out and stared at the tasbih beads.

'To calm your soul and as reminder to God.'

I started to cry.

Fly Away From Here

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Bangun pagi. Kemas beg. Borak2. Keluar rumah. Buat kerja. Kemas barang. Makan tengahari. Balik rumah Jen, basuh baju. Sidai baju. Balik opis. Petang ni lepak tasik lagi. Amik laundry. Dinner. Balik. Tido.

Semuanya macam biasa je. Tapi besok aku dah tak de di sini.

Semalam bila aku lepak di tasik (aku nak lepak di sini sepuas2nya sebelum aku pergi), aku pandang sekeliling ngan rasa terharu. Tengok jeti. Tengok jambatan. Tengok bangunan fakulti dari jauh. Tengok padang bola. Tengok pokok. Tengok galeria. Tengok simen dengan motif daun.

Aku sedut udara sedalam2nya. Bau rumput, tanah lembap dan air tasik. Bila aku hembuskan, aku terasa betapa sayangnya aku pada tempat ni. Aku teringatkan seseorang yang buatkan aku gembira. Aku teringat saat-saat aku & Eva duduk berjuntai kaki sambil bercerita.

'I love this place.'
'I know.'
'What are you going to name your child when you have one? Boy or girl?'
'Girl. I like the name 'Aleeya'. Aleeya...'
'That's nice.'
'What's yours then?'
'Erm. I like a boy. Maybe I'll name him Aaron.'
'Aaron? Aaron & Aleeya?'
'I wish I have a lake like this in my backyard.'
'Then we can do this all the time.'
'Yeah. Why not?'
'Marry rich guy then.'
'I don't want.'
'Why?'
'I'd rather have my own money.'
'Let's open a cafe.'
'My sister & I want to own a chocolate shop. Or a bakery.'
'Oh, then I'll get cakes to serve to my customers from your shop.'
'That's wonderful!'
'Oh Carneyz, I dun want to leave Johor.'
'Me too. Me too.'

SoMe dAyS oR otHEr..

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Some days are just wonderful.

Some days I wake up from a beautiful dream and I open my eyes to greetings of 'good morning' and smile from friends. Some days have sweet sms in my inbox from faraway friends who remembered me in the middle of the night. Some days start with a cuppa coffee and hot toast, while we discuss what we wanna plan for the day and finish the stories we told the night before over breakfast.

Some days I step out into warm sunshine and breezy day, and it was really really beautiful I smile to myself and hum a song. Some days there are no traffic jam and I can ride my bike 120km/h for fun. Some days I work on my design and the idea keeps pouring out like fountain. Some days I deal with nice people who ask normal questions. Some days I laugh at people's jokes and tease Ainie & Jen, and even Chairman endlessly.

Some days I can leave the office early, then I spend the time at the lake watching the sunset. Then I go back to watch favorite programs on tv and chilling out on the floor with Kak Za, joking to each other. Some days I end everything with a smile, retiring to a peaceful and contented sleep.

Some other days I just wanna hurl the pc on the floor, yell at the MS Outlook and shoot people who got on my nerve.

But then. That wouldn't be good for my new year's resolution.

I wanna be a good-natured girl always.

...

OK, not always. Most of the time. Except when I'm PMS-ing. Or deprived of chocolates. Or both.

Updates At 7.34 pm

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I'm hungry. Bored. Overworked. There are more to go. I wanna go back home. I wanna eat. I wanna sleep. I haven't prayed yet. There are three more sections to go. I'm fed up of this whole thing. Darn it. I'm hunggrrryyy!!

... I miss Jen.

I wanna go take a break, meet God, say a prayer that I'll finish this soonest possible, go upstairs for dinner, save everything in my mp3 player, pack up and go home. I'm hungry. So so hungry.