Lirik Lagu Photograph (Nickelback)

Look at this photograph

Every time I do it makes me laugh

How did our eyes get so red

And what the hell is on Joey's head?

This is where I grew up

I think the present owner fixed it up

I never knew we ever went without

The second floor is hard for sneakin' out

And this is where I went to school

Most of the time had better things to do

Criminal record says I broke in twice

I must've done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it's too late

Should I go back and try to graduate?

Life's better now than it was back then

If I was them I wouldn't let me in oh oh oh

Oh god I...

Every memory of lookin' out the back door

I got the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor

It's hard to say it, time to say it

Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walkin' out the front door

I found the photo of the friend that I was lookin' for

It's hard to say it, time to say it

Goodbye, goodbye

Remember the old arcade

Blew every dollar that we ever made

The cops hated us hangin' out

They say somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio

And sing along with every song we'd know

We said someday we'd find out how it feels

To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim's the first girl I kissed

I was so nervous that I nearly missed

She's had a couple of kids since then

I haven't seen her since God knows when oh oh oh

Oh God I...

Every memory of lookin' out the back door

I got the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor

It's hard to say it, time to say it

Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walkin' out the front door

I found the photo of the friend that I was lookin' for

It's hard to say it, time to say it

Goodbye, goodbye

I miss that town, I miss the faces

You can't erase, you can't replace it

I miss it now, I can't believe it

So hard to stay, too hard to leave it

If I could relive those days

I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of lookin' out the back door

I got the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor

It's hard to say it, time to say it

Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walkin' out the front door

I found the photo of the friend that I was lookin' for

It's hard to say it, time to say it

Goodbye, goodbye

Look at this photograph

Every time I do it makes me laugh

Every time I do it makes me...

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Missing Johor

I finally arrived in KL . I hated this city, but I have to learn to love it. I imagined Shah's wife who came all the way from Pakistan, who grew up in totally foreign environment, weather, language, food. The challenge for her to get used to the living standard in... God, it must be awful for her. I'm glad that Shah bought that lovely house for her and the baby. She hates lizard as much as I do. I imagine she hates cockroaches too.

My room is about 70% the size of the room I occupied in Jen's house. The rental is 6 times more expensive. No, make it 12 times more expensive, because Jen paid RM20 rental for her whole house. It makes you think I'm born without a brain huh? I'm beginning to think the same too. At the back of my house, at certain hours of the day, there are terrible noises going on RIGHT BEHIND MY ROOM. My housemates are nice people, but I don't think they are the type who would roll around on the floor laughing over some crude jokes, like Kak Za, Yana & I did sometimes. No, most of the time. Or the type who would spend one night chit-chatting about all sort of things like Jen & I used to do. I mean. For cry out sake, they were IIU graduates. They laugh. Moderately.

When I reached KL, I almost cried again because the Putra lrt station was closed (how could they close it?), and none of the taxi wanna send me to Gombak. I had to beg a taxi driver to send me there. Seeing my petite size, my almost-crying expression (the tough girl looked so pathetic that nite), and my so exhausted voice asking to be send to Gombak, the driver took pity to me. Amin. There is a human in this city.

In short, everything that happened that nite made me want to cry. After arranging my stuff neatly in my room, I fell asleep on my mattress, one hand clutching the tasbih beads and one single teardrop ran down the bridge of nose and ended its course on my chin. I felt so lonely.

Day 1 in the foreign city. It rained on New Year day. I tried to mingle with my housemates. But it felt awkward. I went into my room and leant against the wall, staring at the opposite wall and hugging the Pink Panther small pillow that Layla gave before I left. When you hug it, think about us especially me. I read my diary. I tried everything to make me feel happy.

I switched on my mp3 player and listened to the recording of Ainie's, Survivor's & Jen's very sexy voice and smiled at the memory of Jen holding a cutlinary knife at Ainie threateningly, 'One more word,' as Ainie laughed at her very sexy voice. It rained the whole day. I didn't eat at all from the nite I arrived until last nite.

After Isya', I lay down on one side, on my left cheek, listening to my own breath. I have to survive. I have to go out and find the way to office tomorrow. I counted the tasbih beads and puzzled over the tangled part. Then I just closed my hand over it and thought, God, I hardly remember You.

I remembered telling the story of the beginning of mankind to an attentive Jen. I told the story until the arrival of the last prophet over a cup of chilled coke in McD.

Heaven and earth, and else in between. I miss Jen. I hope my story makes sense to her. There's so much I want to tell her. There's no more time to tell her.

I brought her to the lake on my last day in JB. I hope she finds the time to find herself while listening to the music of water cascading down, and watching the fishes swimming in the water. I visited my professor's house. He helped me a lot when I was in bad shape financially.

I love Johor and I'm missing it desperately. I'm homesick. Help me. I'm missing all the things and all the people I left behind.

Every memory of lookin' out the back door
I got the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walkin' out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was lookin' for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.

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Final Goodbye.

'Dun cry. Please dun cry.'
'I'm going to lose my all time mate...' Her hot tears made me feel like weeping too. Tak masuk Kak Za lagi.
'Mek. Kak Za sedih la awak dah nak gi.'
'Jangan la macam tu Kak Za. Saya pun rasa cam tu jugak.'
'Naper awak nak pindah mek?'
Naper? Naper?

Bila hari terakhir aku di JB, baru aku umumkan yang aku akan berpindah kepada semua. Masing2 terkejut. Kenapa tak bagitau awal? Kenapa nak pindah?

Kenapa? Kenapa?

'We're gonna miss you.' Kak Eyna peluk aku. I hugged her & Layla tightly. 'I'm going to miss everyone of you too.' Looking at Layla's stomach, I said, 'Jangan lupa jemput majlis bercukur rambut baby nanti.' 'Insya Allah.'

Then it was the Fab Four. Chairman, blessed his soul, seolah2 terlupa aku dah nak pergi. The effort to gather the five of us together had twice been let down by him. Tak pelah Chairman. Maybe hanging out with 4 crazy girls are not that hot an idea as before. We had lunch. We laughed. We told stories. We laughed. I leant against Ainie's shoulder affectionately. I love my friends dearly. Then why am I leaving them?

Why?

Sekali lagi, sebelum naik bas, aku peluk Kak Za, Yana, Ainie, Jen, & Survivor satu persatu. 'Thank you. Thank you.' I couldn't say anymore. I have been so lucky to have them as my friends. I will miss them sorely. So badly.

Dari tingkap bas, aku cuba berlagak tenang. Melihat Jen menyapu air mata di pipi. Smile, I mouthed to her. I smiled. And waved. Then the bus moved away. It was so cold. Outside, and inside. There's this hollow feeling. My hands felt numb. I put my hand in my jacket pocket. I felt the hard, lumpy string. I pulled it out and stared at the tasbih beads.

'To calm your soul and as reminder to God.'

I started to cry.

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Fly Away From Here

Bangun pagi. Kemas beg. Borak2. Keluar rumah. Buat kerja. Kemas barang. Makan tengahari. Balik rumah Jen, basuh baju. Sidai baju. Balik opis. Petang ni lepak tasik lagi. Amik laundry. Dinner. Balik. Tido.

Semuanya macam biasa je. Tapi besok aku dah tak de di sini.

Semalam bila aku lepak di tasik (aku nak lepak di sini sepuas2nya sebelum aku pergi), aku pandang sekeliling ngan rasa terharu. Tengok jeti. Tengok jambatan. Tengok bangunan fakulti dari jauh. Tengok padang bola. Tengok pokok. Tengok galeria. Tengok simen dengan motif daun.

Aku sedut udara sedalam2nya. Bau rumput, tanah lembap dan air tasik. Bila aku hembuskan, aku terasa betapa sayangnya aku pada tempat ni. Aku teringatkan seseorang yang buatkan aku gembira. Aku teringat saat-saat aku & Eva duduk berjuntai kaki sambil bercerita.

'I love this place.'
'I know.'
'What are you going to name your child when you have one? Boy or girl?'
'Girl. I like the name 'Aleeya'. Aleeya...'
'That's nice.'
'What's yours then?'
'Erm. I like a boy. Maybe I'll name him Aaron.'
'Aaron? Aaron & Aleeya?'
'I wish I have a lake like this in my backyard.'
'Then we can do this all the time.'
'Yeah. Why not?'
'Marry rich guy then.'
'I don't want.'
'Why?'
'I'd rather have my own money.'
'Let's open a cafe.'
'My sister & I want to own a chocolate shop. Or a bakery.'
'Oh, then I'll get cakes to serve to my customers from your shop.'
'That's wonderful!'
'Oh Carneyz, I dun want to leave Johor.'
'Me too. Me too.'

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SoMe dAyS oR otHEr..

Some days are just wonderful.

Some days I wake up from a beautiful dream and I open my eyes to greetings of 'good morning' and smile from friends. Some days have sweet sms in my inbox from faraway friends who remembered me in the middle of the night. Some days start with a cuppa coffee and hot toast, while we discuss what we wanna plan for the day and finish the stories we told the night before over breakfast.

Some days I step out into warm sunshine and breezy day, and it was really really beautiful I smile to myself and hum a song. Some days there are no traffic jam and I can ride my bike 120km/h for fun. Some days I work on my design and the idea keeps pouring out like fountain. Some days I deal with nice people who ask normal questions. Some days I laugh at people's jokes and tease Ainie & Jen, and even Chairman endlessly.

Some days I can leave the office early, then I spend the time at the lake watching the sunset. Then I go back to watch favorite programs on tv and chilling out on the floor with Kak Za, joking to each other. Some days I end everything with a smile, retiring to a peaceful and contented sleep.

Some other days I just wanna hurl the pc on the floor, yell at the MS Outlook and shoot people who got on my nerve.

But then. That wouldn't be good for my new year's resolution.

I wanna be a good-natured girl always.

...

OK, not always. Most of the time. Except when I'm PMS-ing. Or deprived of chocolates. Or both.

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