When September Ends

All of a sudden, we had a meeting with 3 GMs today. After 3 &%#!* months we never had that *^&%#! sessions, there was an email that announced we had to attend it this afternoon.

Of course they had to wait until I came back from my hometown, but I personally felt that it was just a waste of time because I made a point to just shut up.

Anyway, during this meeting, my 3 other buddies also decided to shut up. So when they asked us how do we feel on certain issues, I continued scribbling cartoons in my notebook, Jen looked at Ainie, then looked at Chairman. Then Jen & Ainie both looked at me.

'So you still find it hard to talk?' asked one casually. I stifled a yawn and an aswer (I find it purposeless).

Let's cut the story short. One of them broke the indications of where we might expect ourselves to be permanently attached starting next month. Result:

1. Chairman - Business Development
2. Jen - Retail
3. Ainie - Erm. Public Relations
4. Carneyz - Corp. Comm.

We are feeling quite sorry towards Ainie, of course, but inside my head, there's an emergency meeting taking place.

To take? Or not to take? This organization needs major changes. The management refuse to discuss it openly, or accept that the are serious problems happening. If I was permanently attached to this particular department, what can I do to change status quo? While the movers & shakers of the company is the Commercial people, how would I be able to fix these problems in order to move things forward?

The issue boils down to whether I still could bear working in this chaotic conditions. Whether I still have the passion for this place (at the moment, I have none). I prepared myself for the worse by seeking other opportunities, but I would feel unhappy leaving things still broken as it is. It's a matter of how strong & patient I can be.

We'll see la, when September ends.

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Balik Dari Kampung

Ntah naper aku try upload gambar brochure yg aku dah siapkan tu tapi tak dapat. So tak bley la nak show gambar tu kat blog nih.

Selama 3 hari nih aku cuti, balik kampung. Seronok la dapat balik :) Nasib baik tak kena tinggal flight ke Kuching hari tu. Jen bawak ngan lajunya ke airport (Thanks Jen! Hope u like the souvenir I bought :) ) & aku ngan lajunya berlari ke counter check in...

'Alamak! Closed ke?' Aku dah panik. Tapi aku tanya gak, 'Tak boleh open ke?' Mamat tu kontek staff yg jaga kat aerobridge, then terus mintak ic aku. Fuuhhh... Lega. Kalau tak ber 'explorace' kat airport nih, tak de thrill kot idup aku nih.

So, anyway, aku bawak balik kek batik utk orang kat opis. Memandangkan aku dah kat dua opis berbeza, so aku kena bahagi dua kek tu. Bila gi main office jap tadi, tengok2 dah abis. Ramai gak la yang tanya ada lagi ke tak. Bila disoalsiasat, rupa2nya this time bukan Ainie yg mengabiskan kek tu, tapi Chairman! Patut la dia tanya boleh tempah kek batik kat aku tak.Hehe. Kalau amik order wat kek untuk raya nih, kompem laku. Boleh la wat support tiket nak balik :p

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Design

No sooner than I made my wistful wish, Chairman made a crazy request. Chairman does not usually begin his sentence by 'Could you...' He goes straight to the point - 'You are going to design a brochure and I want it in one day.'

It amuses me as much as annoys me how he thinks he owns my time. I do not waste time with Chairman either. I go straight to the point - 'You are crazy.'

So lepas je Chairman kasi laptop dia kat aku (PC aku tak de Photoshop), complete ngan Adobe Photoshop 7.0 yang dia install malam tadi, aku pun mula la buat sket research & went all out to design something 'clean' and 'fresh'. Was thinking of having black background, but considering that black is easily related to 'death' & last night's news of plane crash (Mandala Air) in Medan is seriously shocking, I don't fancy the idea of putting off people to board the new airline we are promoting.

Well. Baru je sampai 2 page macam nih. It's kinda hard as brochure (unlike posters, Chairman) ought to have a theme of some sort, with uniformed pages in order to look like a professional brochure (take note, Chairman).

That luggage tag effect pun I spent 2 hours to think of how to create that (again, Chairman, I'm an amatuer designer). Anyway, anybody has any comment on this design? :)

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I Wish I Can Be A Graphic Designer

You can kill my mental self in two ways - overworking me, or not giving me any work at all. That includes giving me boring work or work of no interests whatsoever to me.

You can also kill me slowly by being boring, or failing to ignite a mind-stimulating conversation wif me. It is my weakness to instantly connect to someone who, when ask about A, will manage to extend the conversation until Z. Provided, in between they allow me my 2 cents' worth. Too much blabber, will poison me.

It's hard chore, you know, being a Gemini. A Gemini are mentally awake people, who pokes trouble in the eye, if it means living a more interesting life. As for me, being a Gemini is hardest when there are two contrasting sides trying to decide how to live one life.

No, no, no... We are not having this mental health problem, called split personality. It's just that we are a person made up of two personalities. That's why a Gemini sign are twins. Sometimes, they live harmoniously inside one body. Most of the time, they hold perpetual war inside the skull, and the one who wins, will have the say.

Just imagine, having two directors chairing a board room. It is exactly that way.

That's not my point today. No, I can certainly explore that issue some other time (my other half is in a ranting mood, but I won the say who gets to blog today. Since I'm the nice personality, I'll talk about what she wanna say anyway).

Get back to the first sentence. To today. To life after being transfered from being under Macha, to well, a nice environment but lack of activity). Hold on there sister, I'm not gonna badmouth anybody today. I'm nice, see...

Life is totally different back then. With Macha, everything was hectic. We made a point to visit every inch of the place where we make money, to fulfill at least 3 appointments per day, and to forever send people letters. Letter of offer, letter of reminder, letter of warning, you name it. Then, there were those visits, those renovations, those requests, etc. to be attended to. In a day, I think we walked more than 3kms around the parameter.

It was hugely satisfying. To be engaged in a thousand jobs at a time. To talk over the phone with a client and at the same time, amending the letter on the pc and paying attention to the fax machine for the beeping sound of outgoing document. To sit down with Macha & discuss what we are going to wrestle with for the day while laughing over some jokes. I felt empowered, engaged & purposeful.

In many, many ways, I miss being in that department. It is not my nature to sit down & do nothing. I like waking up every day knowing exactly what needed to be done and coming home feeling I've achieved something. That's what motivates me. To hear at the end of the day, some people say, 'Thank you. You did a great job,' was really satisfying, and something I looked forward to.

Somehow, I wish that I can follow my dreams & do what I like most. Designing graphic. A job that doesn't require me to spend so much time at the office doing nothing, a job that allows me to be wherever I wanna be, to spend as much time with my loved ones, and at the same time, still being able to hear, 'That's really great, Carneyz. I love your work. Thanks.' while paying me enough to live comfortably for rainy days.

Heck, ya. I wanna be a graphix designer. If only I can hang my wishes on the star and make those dreams come true. Make a wish upon a falling star. God, I pray that I can be a graphic designer who works from home and earn decent income. Amin.

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Of Happy Me

'Carneyz, u look happy today.'

Carneyz is in fact rather cheerful today. For the first time after one month sunk into deep depression & total ostracism, she actually exchanged a few banters in email.

'Yes, yes... u should be pleased if ur getting free lunch today.' I pointed to Ungku's direction. Ungku had promised free lunch at the pricey dine-in for both Chairman & I as we had helped him wif something a month back.

But that's not really the source of my bubbly predisposition today. Maybe I've over-indulged in chocolate. Half a bar of Toblerone dark chocolate consumed yesterday, during my most boring moment - sprawled on my bed, in my hot room, unwilling to go anywhere for fear of the burning sun. Or just too darned lazy to move. Or maybe, there's something else. Like the chance of seeing someone.

Ooopss.. What happened to my diet?

Diet is still on-going, except that I'm feeling unwell today. Sneezing non-stop, wif rolls of tissue on stand-by. Seriously. I think it's because of cigarette smoke. Tak boleh tahan bau asap rokok. One day of inhaling it, and my immune system goes haywire.

Now that I've lost the excess weight, my body weight has become more stabilized and I am able to go for reasonable proportions of lunch.

'I dengar u tgh consider S***l. Betul ke?' Ungku dropped the bomb.

I sighed. Looked across at Chairman, who made this face 'wasn'tmewhotold', scanned thru my head for the list of persons I've actually mentioned about my decision to leave, zeroed in on one person who might be the source of this 'pecah rahsia' , and shook my head. Hell. My fault again for sharing unnecessary news.

'No.' I concentrated on my now tak sedap anymore chicken rice. I know, if this guy knew, the rest of the management could have known too by now. I couldn't care less anymore now. Under the constitutional rights, I am entitled to seek other opportunities, right?

In fact, semua orang dah tanya, which department I'm going to go to after September. I vaguely indicated the department I'd most probably choose to go if I flopped the extremely difficult interview (which I hope I won't).

By the way, surveying tickets to go back left me wif little air to breathe. I've to fork out nearly half a thousand ringgit nak balik. Hish. Giler. This is all because of the fuel price skyrocketing due to numerous reasons (Katrina, among one of them).

Okie dokie then. 'Nuff said.

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