You can kill my mental self in two ways - overworking me, or not giving me any work at all. That includes giving me boring work or work of no interests whatsoever to me.

You can also kill me slowly by being boring, or failing to ignite a mind-stimulating conversation wif me. It is my weakness to instantly connect to someone who, when ask about A, will manage to extend the conversation until Z. Provided, in between they allow me my 2 cents' worth. Too much blabber, will poison me.

It's hard chore, you know, being a Gemini. A Gemini are mentally awake people, who pokes trouble in the eye, if it means living a more interesting life. As for me, being a Gemini is hardest when there are two contrasting sides trying to decide how to live one life.

No, no, no... We are not having this mental health problem, called split personality. It's just that we are a person made up of two personalities. That's why a Gemini sign are twins. Sometimes, they live harmoniously inside one body. Most of the time, they hold perpetual war inside the skull, and the one who wins, will have the say.

Just imagine, having two directors chairing a board room. It is exactly that way.

That's not my point today. No, I can certainly explore that issue some other time (my other half is in a ranting mood, but I won the say who gets to blog today. Since I'm the nice personality, I'll talk about what she wanna say anyway).

Get back to the first sentence. To today. To life after being transfered from being under Macha, to well, a nice environment but lack of activity). Hold on there sister, I'm not gonna badmouth anybody today. I'm nice, see...

Life is totally different back then. With Macha, everything was hectic. We made a point to visit every inch of the place where we make money, to fulfill at least 3 appointments per day, and to forever send people letters. Letter of offer, letter of reminder, letter of warning, you name it. Then, there were those visits, those renovations, those requests, etc. to be attended to. In a day, I think we walked more than 3kms around the parameter.

It was hugely satisfying. To be engaged in a thousand jobs at a time. To talk over the phone with a client and at the same time, amending the letter on the pc and paying attention to the fax machine for the beeping sound of outgoing document. To sit down with Macha & discuss what we are going to wrestle with for the day while laughing over some jokes. I felt empowered, engaged & purposeful.

In many, many ways, I miss being in that department. It is not my nature to sit down & do nothing. I like waking up every day knowing exactly what needed to be done and coming home feeling I've achieved something. That's what motivates me. To hear at the end of the day, some people say, 'Thank you. You did a great job,' was really satisfying, and something I looked forward to.

Somehow, I wish that I can follow my dreams & do what I like most. Designing graphic. A job that doesn't require me to spend so much time at the office doing nothing, a job that allows me to be wherever I wanna be, to spend as much time with my loved ones, and at the same time, still being able to hear, 'That's really great, Carneyz. I love your work. Thanks.' while paying me enough to live comfortably for rainy days.

Heck, ya. I wanna be a graphix designer. If only I can hang my wishes on the star and make those dreams come true. Make a wish upon a falling star. God, I pray that I can be a graphic designer who works from home and earn decent income. Amin.

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