2005 is just a number. Is just a year. Is nothing that meaningful.

Don't get me wrong, people. I don't hate new years. I just don't think it's a big deal. So we grow older (age-wise). So there's a wrinkle or two on our face. However, some people are still considered young at heart despite these facts. Life still goes on.

The only thing that matters with each new year, is each birthday. I'm going to be 23 this year. When I was six, I couldn't imagine being 23. When I'm approaching 23, I feel no difference than when I was six. I still think chocolate rules the day, that playing see-saw and swinging high in the playground are fun. When I go for evening walks, I still look out for dandelions by the roadside to blow at the tiny stalks so the wind will carry them all away. At 23, I still do what I did when I was six (except drink from milk bottle).

Looking back, I guees that I've accomplished half of what I dreamed about when I was six:

To board an aeroplane. I used to look up on the sky and wished that I could go for a ride on a plane. Now I travel on air every time I go back.

To go to university. I wanted to go to university back then because I liked to imitate everything that my father did. 15 years later, I graduated.

To go to the land of 'mat salehs'. I had a mat saleh playmate when I was small. Though we couldn't understand each other, we still enjoyed games together. When I watched tv, I told my sister that I wanted to go their place someday. I did end up in Down Under and Cape Town years later. I still wish I could go to Europe someday.

The other half that every 6-year-olds liked to pretend would be more materialistic in nature:

To own my own car and house. Still working on that.

To have enough money to shop for my own clothes. Despite my tomboy-ish nature (I wore shorts and t-shirt instead of baju kurung on hari raya) when I was six, I used to look longingly at frilly dresses that my parents couldn't afford to buy for each daughter of theirs. So I wished that I could have my own ringgit and sen to buy my own clothes when I grow up. I liked to shop for clothes with my best friend when we got our scholarship money (ehem, apart from using the money to buy books of course!), but when I do earn my own money, I develop this ridiculous idea that money shouldn't be wasted on new clothes every time I receive my salary (Note: Ainie, there's nothing wrong in shopping for clothes every time we receive our paycheque, don't get me wrong here :p).

To go to Mecca. A six-year-old wanted to go to Mecca? Yup, for some strange reasons, I was fascinated with the age-old rituals of pilgrimage. I read children's books on Prophet (peace be upon him) and how it was in Mecca, and I thought that God is in Mecca. Six-year-old me wanted to go to the holy land, and soon-to-be-23-this-June me still hope to be there one day.

To have a grand wedding. OK, 6-year-old did wish to have a grand wedding on top of a sea cliff, wearing white gown, sauntering beneath a beautiful arch, complete with perfect weather and all else romantic stuffs a 6-year-old can imagine of. At 23, that idea changed drastically after considering how much a grand wedding would cost. Someday (Insha-Allah), I intend to get married but in a simple occasion in a mosque at home, wearing a simple wedding outfit of baju kurung (no kebaya, no matching songket, just a simple baju kurung would do) that wouldn't be outrageously expensive, and a kenduri syukur afterwards (no majlis bersanding and cake-cutting ceremony, please). The most important thing I hope, that I will get married to the man I love and would be capable to love me in return, forever.

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