You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.
What feeling do you represent?
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Me. Na-ive. Naive ke? Yalah kot. But needed to be protected? Hmm... Yalah kot :p Tapi kalau tak de orang nak protect, then 'wachaa!' diri-sendiri wat berani la. Yalah, orang tu jauh dari aku, kalau tak boleh la berlari belakang dia, menyorok2 ke. Hehe.
Tergendala lagi
Semakin 'Comel'
Alih2, pagi ni tak sodar pun jam bunyi menyebabkan aku tak bangun sahur. Bangun2, tengok jam, >gasp< dah pukul 6 pagi.
Biasanya aku bersahur ngan segelas Quaker oats berperisa coklat. Masa memula dulu, rajin la nak memanaskan kuali dan menghabiskan bawang, minyak masak, nasi dan sebagainya :p Sekarang ni, setelah balik dari klinik hari tu n tengok berat badan dah naik sekilo (sekilo!!!), ditambah lagi ngan perasaan setiap kali cuci muka, tapak tangan rasa penuh je (no more that hollow feeling in the palm of my hands), aku kata - that's it. Aku kena 'control makan' bulan ni.
Yalah, kalau berat bertambah, yang lain semua maintain lagi, tapi muka aku mesti bertambah chubby. Aku teringat masa bersiap2 nak gi kelas masa third year dulu, aku berdiri depan cermin kat ruang tamu rumah nak pakai tudung, lepas tu perasan betapa chubby nya aku. Masa tu aku terjerit, 'Alamak! Chubby nyer aku!'
From that day on, budak2 rumah aku pun gelar aku Chubby (hehe. Sori aa Didiz, sama plak cam gelaran ko kat awex ko tu. Tapi bukan aku nak, diaorang yang pandai2 kasi nama tu...). Terutamanya Haiza n Bib, tak abis2 terjerit 'Chubby!!' setiap kali nak panggil aku. Hampa-gas tul.
Kesimpulannya, aku kena kurangkan makan bulan posa nih. Kalau tak, nanti aku jalan sebelah orang tu, orang lain mesti cakap 'Eh, eh... 'sehat' nyer awex dia...'
... TIDAKK!!!
Focus on Problems vs. Focus on Solutions
Tukar lagi...
People at Work
First Project Meeting
Disoriented.
Emotions & Emoticons
One dragon still on the loose, one dragon obstinately held on, one dragon's down, and I'm exhausted.
Am terribly mad with the finance department because they didn't explain properly in the first place regarding purchasing procedure. Halfway through with doing it, and here I am, mistakes staring at me in the eyes.
In times like this, I always crave for a vision of myself falling freely backwards - eyes closed, arms spread apart, letting go...
... Into waiting arms. Catch me from the fall, someone.
My Job is Slaying Dragons. Any Problem With That?
Fishy Day
Anne tried to feed it fish food. However, the fish food is bigger than the fish itself. And it shrank to the bottom of the tank, visibly frightened. I can't help but remember Nemo. This fish is so like Nemo.
By the end of the day, Anne, Jane, Aiman and I were crowding at the fish tank, looking at the horribly terrified Nemo (I decided to call it Nemo). I have to do something. The fish is clearly not eating anything that we feed it, so I want to give it the dried worms we have at home for our fish. I decided to put the fish in a flask. In that way, I can bring it back home and try to feed it. The fish is thoroughly traumatized and the sight is a distress to me. I never liked cruelty of any sorts. I am beginning to hate whoever brought the fish in and then subsequently forgot to feed it.
In case any of you wondered how today had gone by, I have this conclusion. It's been wacky. I've been scolded since morning, and by afternoon, I got so tired of it that I don't care anymore. Thus, I began to divert my attention to a little, frightened and traumatized fish which is currently swimming at the bottom of my flask.
The Sales Manager, on his way out, probably thought that I've gone bonkers coz I talked to my flask. To my surprise, I noticed that I am not feeling pressurized anymore. Nemo seems to need looking after, and I am not feeling victimized anymore, but feeling more like a protector.
I'm not asking much. I just want to be understood. If I can't get this, then I will seek to understand. Someone else. Like Nemo, for instance. No point in getting hurt, isn't it?
Religion Tolerance vs. Religion Understanding
Planning A Journey Home
I decided that I couldn't wait until my leave application is approved before booking tickets to go back home for Aidilfitri. Wise move.
When I called MAS ticketing agency, the person politely informed me there are no more flights from JB to Kuching on 11, 12 and 13 November. I was flabbergasted.
'Not even business class?' I asked after briefly doing a mental calculation on how it would affect my dietary two months from now on.
'Sorry, miss. All booked out.'
Alternative plans. I have to find an alternative plan. So I queued up at the Air Asia counter. Luckily on the 12 November, there is a seat (one seat left!) that I immediately am willing to pay for. When the person behind the counter told me the price, my jaw crashed on the counter.
'Am I mistaken?' I took a step back to look at the signboard on the counter. Yup, Air Asia.
'Why is the price almost like taking a MAS flight?' I asked, incredulously.
'Well...' the person took a deep breath, ready to launch into a lenghty explanation when I cut him.
'Right, right. Just give me the ticket.' I shoved a stash of money (boohooohooo!!) across the counter. Yikes. Balik Raya affair has always hurt my purse.
The first half of the journey has settled. It's time to find out the fare for the journey coming back to JB. I went to MAS counter again.
Luck was on my side. Luckily, on the 17th November, there are plenty of seats left. Even on SuperSaver package! I immediately bought those tickets. Finally! I decided to call my mom to convey this good news.
'Guess what mom? I'm going back for raya!'
'Oh? Good! I thought I lost you to some Peninsular guy over there.'
'Momm....' Didn't realize how long I've set foot home. I decided to check whether I still remember how to speak in Melanau.
'Kak susah ati ka'au inan... pulik keau raya ih... (Don't you worry, mom. I'm coming home this raya) .' I assured her. My mom just laughed.
I wish that I could go back this fasting month. To set foot once more in the Darul Hidayah mosque, to sweet memories of Ramadhan, to past live untouched, unlived.