There were angry voices. More people joined in. A pontianak under a tree, in the rain. I didn't know how it ended up in this scenario. I wasn't scared. I was just worried.

Worry is like small, small things mixed up with the big ones.

Then the scenario changed. All those important people, the datuks and the directors sitting around the meeting table. I wanted to give my opinion. I did not want to give my opinion. I am not willing to step up. It's not because I don't have an opinion, I told myself firmly, I just don't want to share it less they think I'm capable. Why is it I'm so scared of being thought as capable?

Somebody leant forward and told me, It's a dream, but it's going to be real soon. When you wake up, remember this. This is soon to happen. I nodded in affirmation. 'Like a deja vu right?' I said, knowingly. The whole board faded off into nothingness.

Then there was a series of events, involving my father, my sisters and my mother. They all had different directions to go and I was going through it again - the pains of pleasing everyone of them.

I was awake again, it was 7.28am. I missed my Subuh prayer. I did not remember the deja vu part. It had been important. It felt important. Maybe it's going to happen. Maybe not. I wonder whether I'll know if it happens.

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