Last nite, I was doing my work on my CLK and at the same time, tuning in to whatever was shown on tv. In the end, I was forced to look at the tv screen instead of at the computer screen in total disgust. Never mind the fact that I had a deadline to work on by the next day. I had never feel disgusted in my whole life at a tv program as I felt last night.

The first time I saw the ads of the program, I thought, 'Ah, finally... a beauty pageant that doesn't focus on a woman's breasts, legs and face.' I made a mental note to watch it, to see how the contestants were judged not just on their physical appearance, but also thru their contributions to the society, the maturity of their grey matter and the glowing personality they possess. I thought it's going to be a different beauty contest that reflects true beauty. Not just skin deep.

Boy, do I thought wrong. Physical appearance? Bah! Contributions to the society? More like to the salon and fashion designer. Maturity of grey matter? I doubt it after seeing that ridiculous hand-waving. Glowing personality? My foot!

To my horror, and then ultimate disgust, the so-called Malaysia's aspiring prettiest lady broke down and sobbed uncontrollably because the cameraman decided to take a close-up shot at her scarred, naked face. After the crying subsided, she said rather proudly, 'I think I'm brave because I have overcome my fear to show the scar on my face.'

Oh God, Lord above, show mercy on me. There are numerous times I turned up to class / office without even a lipstick on, looking like dead corpse plus a zit on my nose and I hardly felt a tinge of sadness or the need to bawl and cry my eyes out because people around me can see how ugly I am without my makeup.

Wonder whether she'll cry as much when she sees a picture of a skeletal-thin African child with scars all over his body, crawling on the road to reach UN food distribution area while a vulture waits for the child to die before he can reach the place.

This can't be true. This is absurdity at the highest level.

I can't help this feeling of wanting to throw up whenever I see this particular contestant. Not because she's Chinese, I have no prejudice against any race, please. My ex-housemate was Jen and she's Chinese and we called her 'Miss Universe' affectionately. I think Jen's prettier than her anyway.

It was because she mistook vanity as self-confidence.

'I look better than Amber Chia... When I win this competition, I'm going to wave to my fans like this (wave in that ridiculous way). I'm going to put this prize in my living room so people know that I have won Malaysia's most (awful) competition. This prize is going to be my trophy. Among the three, I'm the most gorgeous. I know I'm going to win. I can feel it!'

Hand me that bucket please. I wanna throw up so bad when I heard this ridiculous speech. And the way she posed? Great heavens.

'Cheap and thrashy.' I felt like applausing the photographer for his right on the nail comment. She's too much. Even if the ones who voted her (must be hot-blooded male high on adrenaline) think she's cute by acting the way she acted, I simply refuse to acknowledge her as whatever her fans voted her for.

I wasn't the only one with the same opinion. When she made it to the final two contestants, the rest had their eyes wide open, jaws dropped down. 'She made it? What's wrong with Malaysians?? If she won, I might want to get out of the country for a while.' Even if this comment was hilarious, I echoed the same sentiment. But, I don't know, somehow because I am so used to the weird ways the system work in this country, I think she's going to win. It always works that way.

I mean. I never expected this program to turn out this way. If being beautiful means you gotta dress up in the latest fashion, and act like a blonde but in this case, overdoing it, thank you very much I'm happier being ugly. What happens to women's liberation? What happens to better judgement of one's character?

Then again, let's just hope that her mengada-ada character is just a tactical campaign to make sceptical person like me glued to the show right to the end and to make a point to watch it just to see how truth triumphs in the end and the rest of my countrymen have the same views on what is considered as nonsense, ridiculous behavior.

I cross my finger. One thing I have to applause to her is how her ugliness rears up the ugly, bitchy side of me.

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