It's very, very strange to think about it.
A lot of friends ask me, 'So are you excited? You must be anticipating that moment.' I was left speechless.
Try as I might, I couldn't gauge any feelings at all about the fact that I will be someone's wife 7 days from now on and the next time I fill in a form, I'm no longer allowed to put my status as 'Single'.
Oo... we can call you Puan Carneyz is it?
My skin practically crawled at the thought. Puan Carneyz sounds like a 40-year old woman with 5 kids. Don't ever call me 'Puan' or 'Madam' or 'Mrs'. I won't entertain you. Let me make it clear upfront. Just call me 'Carneyz'.
Come on la. You can't be serious, Carneyz? What is wrong with you? You don't want to get hitched, is it? You don't love him ke?
Before you get any wrong ideas, let me clarify this clearly and precisely. I love this guy. I really, really do. He's the simplest, nicest and most loving man that a girl could ever wanted. I knew he's The One after being together for two years. I am very confident that he has the same feelings for me. And to me that's what love is all about - the sense of security of knowing somebody loves you. I pray to God that we will have an everlasting jodoh and stay happily together forever and ever (sorry Chairman, I have to borrow your terms).
In simpler words - of course I want to marry him, duh.
Perhaps I am experiencing the wedding jitter. Perhaps I'm nervous about the new responsibility that I have to shoulder a week from now on. I know every bride-to-be will get the wedding jitter, and every bridegroom too, but despite that hot and cold feeling, surely secretly they'd feel deliriously happy and anxious and excited and so many other heavenly feelings at the thought of having a wedding of their own.
Which, to be totally honest, I am approaching this new world with an apprehensive feeling. Will I be able to a good wife? An obedient wife? A wife so good that my husband will never ever look at other women? On the other hand, will I find my happily ever after solution in this new world?
And in using Jen's phrase - will I find the path to heaven in this new world?
Cheers to 24 years of singlehood, I hope 24 years has given me enough time to prepare myself for this fortcoming transformation. Welcome marriagehood (if ever such a word), may it bring blessings and happiness in its true form until the day I die.
Oh my heart, be brave and gentle and loving and forgiving and patient and understanding and selfless. Then only happiness will preside.
Alhamdulillah that we had the sensibility to start joint savings a few months ago that we could afford to buy household items by cash. Even little things like a shoe cabinet and some other stuffs also managed to drain us off a few hundred ringgits. (Note to myself: Have to find more Datuks n Datins to distribute cards to and in return get a few hundred ringgits angpow) A friend suggested that I apply for personal loan to settle buying for the house as well as to cover the wedding expenses but I don't ever foresee a need to do that.
Anyway, as I had feared and fretted about earlier on, everybody grinned in that annoying way when they spotted me.
'Wah, bakal pengantin... berseri2.'
(In my heart) Shut up! Shut up! *but instead smile embarrassedly* 'Mana ada. Biasa je la.'
To cut the teasing short, I hid behind my laptop screen, pretending to be so engrossed with my work that I didn't hear anything.
Lunch hour came and I rushed to meet my ex-roommate in first year, Eve. The moment she saw me, she grabbed me in a deadlock grasp,
'Why are you getting married??'
>> Why everybody ask me this question?
We ordered lunch, then sat at two sofa at the end of the cafe facing each other. A series of girly & private Q&A ensued and always punctuated with, 'I heard it hurts' later, and we finally sighed.
'I can't believe you're getting married before me,' she said reproachfully.
'I can't believe I'm getting married in three weeks' time.' I agreed with her. Then I grabbed my cheeks and pinched them hard. I'm getting married that soon?? Three weeks? Not three months? Not three years? But three weeks? Soon it'll be three days? I'm getting married in three days?? In three hours? Three minutes? Three seconds? How could it happen??
We both almost shrieked.
'I hope my mom doesn't find out,' she said, 'else she starts to wonder when I'm getting married!'
Sipped at straw.
'How do you know he's the one?'
This is the question we always throw at each other since we met. We were always fantasizing about The One and always tried to describe how The One would be and look like. For some reasons I couldn't really explain, my answers were always:
'Tall, fair, Chinesey look, hair parted in the middle, can make me laugh, can handle my tantrums. Sarawakian.'
And four years later, voila! Like he had been delivered by post order at my doorstep. Amazing huh.
Back to the question. If she had asked me months ago, I wouldn't know. Yeah, I know I love him but I wouldn't know whether he's the one. But I'm not going to tell it here how I knew. I think it's private and indescribable but the feeling just suddenly pop! appears there at the core of your heart. Does it sound sappy? Yes it does to me.
'Things happen. You know he loves you sincerely and wholeheartedly. You know la. Then you wake up and it's like a revelation. Yes, I've found The One in him.'
Eve looked intrigued but she asserts with me. When lunch time was over, we hugged each other goodbye and promised to meet up again during Christmas at her house. Something hit me, that almost made me retched violently.
'Eve, by that time, I'll be a Puan. How terrible!'
Today I woke up miserable. Then I perked up a bit bcoz I remembered yesterday I went to cheer myself up by going for hair wash at the salon. My hair smelt really nice and it's really soft and bouncy. Unlike some people, I don't have to spend hundreds of ringgits doing re-bonding as I've been blessed with this naturally straight hair.
Dear Somebody Out There,
Dear Somebody Out There,
Dear Somebody Out There,
Everything at work is not going great. If I could describe my work as anak ayam, then early this year I was given an anak ayam to mind. As months passed, I got a few more chicks and more and more were thrust into my hands. All the anak ayams tried to escape from my hold, and I am desperately trying to prevent them from straying away but they are too much for me to handle. I'm losing my grasp in everything. Everything.
Dear Somebody Out There,
'Why, Carneyz, why?? You broke everybody's hearts!' as if I was Siti Nurhaliza. So after this, I can expect people to criticize my wedding dress ('ugly!') / invitation card ('cheap!') / why I didn't hold a press conference announcing my wedding ('nak rahsia la tu!').
Dear Somebody Out There,
1. We're done with the filming and tomorrow, we need to drop by the production house and sit down to discuss the offline edit.
A voice told me 'Sabar2x. try to accept that there's nothing more can be done about it.'
Another part said, 'NO! Everything is about compromise! But I didn't get my part of the deal. Of course I've every damn right to be angry!'
Then the first voice told me, 'So what? It's not even YOURS. It's HIS what?' Hmmphhh... Betul juga. Like I wanted that in the first place. If he's fine with that, peduli haper. Dia punya, kan? He's paying for that.
Then the other voice argued, 'My dear, you still got a part in that even though it's HIS. Anyway, will you ever be able to have YOURS later ke? Hmm... Macam tak je...'
The first voice said, 'Tak kira la. You know what you want kan? You want that, you go for it. Make sure you'll get what you want because all this compromise thing? It doesn't work, girl. You know bloody well you can't sleep well if you can't get whatever you want in the first place.'
True, true. First voice won. Blood pressure goes down to normal. The panas meletup feeling became bara api only. I can't be bothered now. It's his property, why am I so worked up like this. I will save up to get MINE later.
I don't care. I want my own and I will get it rain, shine, earthquake or no earthquake. The End.
They were made up of four gallant girls and one quiet and wise guy. The fairest girl was known as Jen the Criticiser who’d silence Paul Moss anytime she opens her mouth. The nicest girl was known as Ainie si Cantik Manis who was the most diplomatic among them all (let’s pretend we’ve never heard the word ‘pretty’). The third member of this secret clan is known as Survivor The Crazy – who has a warped and sudden sense of humor and quite boyish in appearance. The fourth girl was Scary Carneyz, who, when she narrowed her eyes, all hell break loose. Finally, the only guy who got stuck with the girls was hailed as The Chairman, whose main role was to ferry the girls around in his BMW.
They were insaparable lots, forever emailing each other in between doing their menial chores, going for lunch (voted the most favourite time of the day) and lunch was always raucous. Because they were the youngest lots, they were always bullied into staying back in the dungeon until late at night of which the only reason they stayed sane and intact is because they had each other (apart from the soothing voice of Jen criticising the keepers of the dungeon). Of course, you couldn’t really count in The Chairman’s offer to push Jen The Criticiser on her chair around the dungeon 20 times as a sign of sanity. The Fab Five were a crazy bunch of people anyway.
During the Untouchable Days, the Fab Five hang out at bowling alleys and after tiring themselves out, they hunted for the best eating place to fill their stomachs. Scary Carneyz thinks that is the main reason why she gained so much weight that she had to starve herself during latter days, but she doesn’t deny that they had so much fun.
Then one day, everything changed.
The curse was broken.
New people came to the dungeon and The Chairman switched clans.
Jen The Criticiser finally got her wish to break free and earn more elsewhere.
Scary Carneyz transferred to a quieter, more uptown and chic dungeon, still enslaved.
Thus, the Fab Five were forced to disband to follow their own destinies.
But in their deepest hearts, they wish that maybe someday, they can get back together. Maybe open a café like they used to talk about over dinner.
The End.
I tried to be more organized to help me think more clearly but even the effort is hard to achieve. It makes me exasperated.
Luckily, that didn't affect me from accomplishing my tasks. I managed to clear off a lot more things than before the raya break - I guess I really needed that break because at that point, I had gone stagnant. I was tired and fed up with everybody at work and everything that needed to be done. Now that I had unwind, things start to roll smoother and faster. Let's just hope to God that everything turns out ok.
Perhaps my under-the-water experience has got to do with my well-being. As soon as I got back to KL, I was down with flu. It's very easy for me to catch that bug. When I studied my horoscope, Geminis or those born in June are susceptible to lung-related diseases. Apparently, our lungs are quite sensitive. So we are most prone to flu, cough, etc.
I'm also worried about something that keeps tugging at the back of my head. I wish I can tell it here, but it's kinda private. The problem with me is I'm such a worrier. I think I need to straighten out my desk again and do my laundry tonight so I'll stop worrying and start focusing on more important things. Like my next 5 years plan. Yeah, right.
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Luxurious look |
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In warm effect |
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When I'm in the mood, even the carpets have to be perfectly aligned together #OCD |
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She said she bought this because she can't resist herself. Love at first sight punyer hal... |
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I'm not very good at taking photo yet but this is one of my favourite pix |
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A close-up |
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A view from top |
There are a few more photos but I think these few already give you a good impression of how her living room looks like. Hehe.
Sumber imej: http://anggunhandicraftnsouvenir.blogspot.com/ |
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Bangunan pentadbiran bahagian Mukah dipanggil Menara Pehin Setia Raja (Kalau tak silap aku sbb orang kat sini panggil Menara Pehin je). Semua jabatan kerajaan ditempatkan di sini. |
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Pemandangan di pasar tamu |
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ABC yang menarik |
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Kuih senyum. Aku pun tak tau naper dipanggil kuih senyum! |
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Kuih celorot, kuih tradisional di Sarawak. My faveret |
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Kek lapis yang menarik dijual RM30 untuk ukuran ni. Tak tau apa nama kek ni tapi tak silap aku ada nama 'Aiskrim..' |
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Kek lapis lagi - RM15. Kek lapis Sarawak berlainan sket sbb ianya dikukus dan ada corak yang menarik |
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Pengangkutan antarabandar menggunakan bas ekspres, salah satunya ialah Trans Borneo (bukan Transnasional ye). Bas dalam bandar pulak ialah bas jalur biru yang takde aircond tu. Tapi kat Sarawak tak kisah la sebab udara kat luar bukan macam kat KL yg berbau asap |
Semalam, aku dah start cuti dan terbang ke Sarawak. Pukul 4.30 pagi, dia dah tunggu depan rumah sementara aku kelam-kabut buat sandwic ayam untuk kiteorang bersahur dalam kereta. Tak payah la dia mengada2 nak mintak suap. Muehehe..! Nasib baik hosmet dia pinjamkan kereta untuk dia hantarkan aku ke LCCT. Flight aku pukul 7.10 pagi. Kiteorang sampai pukul 6 pagi.
Keadaan di LCCT sesak dan penuh ngan bermacam2 ragam orang. Barisan di baggage screening memang panjang! Baru hari Rabu dah sesak macam ni. Lepas aku check in, kiteorang gi solat Subuh then dia pun balik. Aku sempat amik gambar kat LCCT:
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Barisan yang panjang |
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Dalam kapal terbang (seperti biasa, delay lagi) |
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Pemandangan di luar |
Sampai di LTA Kuching dalam pukul 10.30 pagi. Memandangkan flight seterusnya ke Mukah pada pukul 2.50 petang, aku pun merayau2 sambil amik gambar di airport Kuching yang baru diubahsuai ala-ala KLIA. Lawa giler airport yang baru ni:
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Kedai bebas duti |
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Wajah moden LTA Kuching |
Pukul 1.20 petang, baru la kaunter FAX (subsidiari AirAsia yang mengendalikan sebahagian penerbangan domestik dalam Sarawak) dibuka. Aku terperanjat bila dengan aku sekali kena naik atas penimbang bagasi tu! Hmm... Adakah aku akan dimasukkan di bahagian kargo?? Seingat aku naik Fokker tak penah pulak penumpang pun ditimbang.
Pukul 2.50 petang, terjawab la pertanyaan tu. Rupa2nya bukan naik Fokker, tapi twin otter iaitu kapal terbang yang lebih kecik dari Fokker. Inilah pertama kali aku naik twin otter. Macam nak rak amik gambar sampai penumpang lain pun pelik tengok aku:
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Ni ler flight twin otter. Gambar ni masa dah sampai Mukah. Pecaya tak lelaki berseluar pendek tu ler staf ground handling kat airport ni. Hehe. Sempoi giler airport Mukah. |
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Aku sengaja duduk paling depan supaya boleh rakam gambar pilot in action. |
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Flight ni boleh bawak tak sampai 50 orang. Dier nyer take-off weight pun terhad. Patut ler penumpang pun kena timbang sekali! |
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Welcome to Mukah Airport |
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Balai pelepasan yang sempoi |
Begitulah pengalaman aku balik kampung tahun ni yang agak berbeza dengan tahun2 sebelumnya. Next entry aku akan citer pulak tentang bandar Mukah ;)
I guess I'm already at that point.
I've marked my last project and after that I will start to think of which direction I should go to.
After all, I've found the person I've looked for.
Someone to catch my fall, someone who's happy when I'm happy, & someone who'll wipe away my tears. Love me, someone.
Yup. I've met that someone.
... HAH! Besok mood aku dijangka tidak baik sebab ada banyak benda kena setelkan sebelum flight balik ke KL pukul 3.50pm. Awas ya kalau mengganggu aku! Aku bagitau awal2 nih! Aku spesies yang menggigit!
- Could we slash the expenditure for corporate diary this year by giving everybody diary refills i/o a brand new diary? (Get ready to be hated by everybody in the company except Trump)
- Could we limit the number of calendars to order by limiting the number of calendars each person can give away to their counterparts?
- Could we reduce the production cost of greeting cards by not having inlays and as I threw this idea to my boss, by exploring the idea of giving e-cards instead? (cross my fingers)
Do you like:-
Sunrises or sunsets?
Right now, I like it when the sun is hot in the sky and I'm comfortably in an air-conditioned room, knowing that my clothes are drying nicely without any odors stuck on them.
Suitcases or backpacks?
Backpacks because I hate carrying things in my hand.
Dogs or cats?
Both. I like all domestic animals except cockroach.
Roller-coasters or merry-go-rounds?
Roller-coasters because I can scream as loud as I can and not throw up after that.
Calls or texts?
Calls especially if somebody call me. Textings are sooo yesterday.
Gift vouchers or presents?
Presents because I like surprise.
Pens or pencils?
Pens are mightier than swords (and pencils). Besides, they are clearer to see.
Anybody who wants to own that kind of template can email me and it'll be RM65 please, to cover AirAsia's admin & fuel surcharge cost.
All I need to do is to fill in the cells with latest air flight fares which have increased dramatically over the past 1 year. I'm rather spoilt for choice, sometimes. Because I always balik kampung to my grandparents' house in Sibu, I could travel:
a. KL-SIBU (direct) - return fares are cheaper BUT the connecting travel via road / river (it's very adventurous being a Sarawakian) is rather difficult to arrange due to inconvenient hour of the flight due to different fares for different flight times... Susah, kan?
b. KL-KUCHING-SIBU (transit Kuching) - another option to match the time BUT the fare is a stopping factor.
c. KL-KUCHING-MUKAH (transit Kuching) - well, Mukah is a more convenient stop to my kampung. It'd be easier for my aunt / uncle / cousin to pick me up at Mukah Airport than at Sibu Airport.
These sort of arrangements are called 'Mix N Match', which I have perfected over the years of studying here. I could pick choice 'a' for balik kampung and option 'c' for coming back here. So far, that is my best solutions that would reduce the impact of the whole travel issues on my financial situation (sob!).
All in all, let's just say Raya travel would cost me RM550 - to RM600 / person. Which is a HUGE amount compared to a few years back when it only costs max RM450 (and that's traveling MAS, I tell you).
So sesapa yang rasa dia kaya & terasa nak ber'gerek'kan (gerek=awek) gadis Sarawak, bersedialah mengorbankan ongkos yg byk untuk support kos balik kampung tetiap tahun ni. Korang akan terasa bahang yang sampai berpeluh start dari nak buat kenduri kawen kat sana (muahaha!).
So far, aku sangat bertimbangrasa kepada lelaki2 Malaya sebab tak penah nak usha dieorg kerana aku amat memahami masalah $$ yg akan timbul ;) Case closed!
Tghr tadi aku dapat call dari Didi (Rushdi). Dia ni kawan satu UTM dulu - kreatif dan pandai buat bisnes orangnya. Kiteorg kenal masa dia tolong aku buat assignment website. Dari situ aku belajar ilmu design-mendesign ni a.k.a Photoshop sampai aku gelar dia 'Sifoo'. Rushdi pandai amik gambar profesional gak, so kalau sesapa yang perlu khidmat photographer & videographer untuk apa2 event, boleh la kontek Didi (design#lasso.com.my - gantikan # dengan '@'). Harga berpatutan, percayalah ;)
Sebenarnya Didi call utk 2 sebab - pertama, nak jemput aku ke majlis kawen dia kat Perak. Kedua, nak mintak payment. Hehe. Sori la Di, kalau aku yg in-charge payment aku issue sekarang jugak pun boleh. Tapi masalahnya bukan aku yg berkuasa :p
Wife Didi pulak ialah ex-roommate aku masa stay kat Skudai dulu. Lawa giler orangnya. Masa dia mula2 masuk bilik aku, aku outstation ke KL. Bila aku balik, aku tgk ada awek yg lawa tgh tido kat bilik aku. Mak ai! Aku rasa nak nangis time tu gak sebab aku tak sama langsung ngan dia (tak lawa)! Baik pulak orang nya. Bertuah ko, Didi! Hehe. Jaga baik2 anak orang Di.
Lastly, selamat menempuh alam perkahwinan kepada Sa & Didi :) Semoga korang bahagia dunia & akhirat. Huhu...! Macam best je kawen ni :p
Kalau aku tak hang out dengan Kak Za dan Yana, aku akan hang out dengan Ainie, si budak cute yang perasan cute. Ainie si budak cute ni bukan sahaja cute, tapi dia juga baik hati. Sebab tu lah aku suka berkawan dengan Ainie si budak cute ni, di samping suka kereta Kenari nya yang banyak berjasa dan menyumbang kepada kenaikan harga petrol di JB.
Sepanjang 4 hari di JB, Ainie si budak cute selalu tolong hantar aku balik ke hotel. Dalam kereta, kami suka ketawa mengilai2 macam 10 tahun tak penah gelak dan Ainie si budak cute suka bawak kereta ala2 Schumacher dan potong Q. Sungguh, dia penah bisikkan impiannya menjadi pemandu taxi yang paling anggun di JB.
Seperti biasa hari Jumaat tu dia hantar aku balik ke hotel. Dengan selamba badak je dia potong Q kat trafik light. Tiba2... Oops! Ada Pak Polisi melambai2 kami mcm pokok kelapak. Alamak. Kantoi pulak...
Oleh sebab Pak Polisi dah melambai, maka kami dengan terkedek2 berenti di bahu jalan. Ainie si budak cute dengan gabranya menurunkan tingkap kereta manakala mata aku pulak dah membulat macam piring cawan di samping muka dah pucat-lesi macam nampak hantu polong.
Belum sempat Pak Polisi mintak IC dan lesen kereta, Ainie si budak cute terus menghamburkan kata-kata rayuan dengan kelajuan 35 km/j - tanpa noktah, koma, tanda seruan dan sebagainya yang akan menghalang ayat2 berunsur rayuan itu dari menyapa lembut cuping telinga Pak Polisi:
'Encik2 mintak maaf sesangat saya dah lambat ni nak hantar kawan saya balik pastu nak amik mak saya kat rumah sbb dier nak gi Singapore malam ni dah banyak kali call tolong la encik saya terpaksa buat macam tu kawan saya nak balik cepat ada hal mak saya nak gi singapore saya nak kena hantar mak saya pulak ke sana tolong la encik lain kali saya tak buat lagi saya mintak maaf sangat tolong la encik...'
'Bak IC dengan lesen.' Pak Polisi pada mulanya kebal dan berhati waja walaupun berhadapan dengan Ainie si budak cute dan kawannya yang lebih cute (muahaha! Speak2 grendem betul). Tapi Ainie si budak cute tetap tak mengalah. Dengan nada 'uhuk2' nya, dia terus memujuk dan menaburkan kata2 dusta yang manis di telinga Pak Polisi tu.
Akhirnya, sedikit demi sedikit hati seorang lelaki seperti Pak Polisi tu cair dan retak dek termakan kata2 rayuan yang penuh kepalsuan. Aku terus menjadi supporting actress - membuat muka kesian di sebelah Ainie si budak cute. Usaha dan lakonan mantap kami akhirnya membuahkan hasil - Pak Polisi itu pun melepaskan kami pergi tanpa sebarang tiket saman yang berpotensi melayangkan beratus2 ringgit dari poket lusuh kami.
Buat beberapa minit, aku dan Ainie si budak cute terdiam dan menikus tak percaya yang kami berjaya melepaskan diri dari tindakan undang-undang kerajaan Malaysia. Lepas tu, aku tengok dia, dia tengok aku dan kami terus ketawa berguling2 di dalam Kenari itu!
Pak Polisi seluruh Malaysia, mintak maaf bebanyak ya! Kami sangat sengkek sekarang tapi kalau ada duit pun kami tak rela membayar saman. Huhu...!